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 Blow Off Some Steam: Through the Portal

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Spinosaur4.4
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PostSubject: Re: Blow Off Some Steam: Through the Portal   Thu Jun 30, 2016 4:02 pm

I was cleaning my old aquarium and I started feel bad about it. I was a kid and earned 3 fishes, they all died in 7 months bc I was so dumb and ignorant. I killed them. I killed 3 lifes. I know it's so long ago, and some ppl will say "they're just fish" but for me it still hurts. It hurts my ignorance took 3 lifes. Just bc it's a fish doesn't mean their lifes aren't valuable. I would say they matter the same as my life.


I plan to make a diorama with the aquarium, hope it works and my dinosaurs don't smell fish.
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PostSubject: Re: Blow Off Some Steam: Through the Portal   Thu Jun 30, 2016 5:14 pm

Spinosaur4.4 wrote:
Also, I just hate science deniers. I'm so fucking tired to read a bunch of ignorant neanderthalensis IQ meatbags  write comments in internet saying stuff like "Huh and scientists talk about that Big Bang bullshit lmao And ppl still belive in it lmao" or "Evolution is bs, only God can create something so perfect"...

It's so easy to deny science while using a computer, eletricity and internet to write those crappy comments. It's so easy to say it's bullshit and you don't belive in it, but no one wants to prove scientists wrong, right? No one has evidences or write an scientific articles proving scientists wrong. But they still have inflated egos to act like they know MORE than scientists about a subject that requires a lot of studying to understand. I mean, sure, an useless meatbag like you that don't have a PHD or didn't even read the basic of Big Bang theory for example, knows more than ALL the scientific academy, right?

Not to mention, their fairth is so fragile, and their ego is so big to think they're important for the universe, that they became offended by science. You can acept science and still belive in God. And if you don't belive in God, you can still acept science too. That's what an inteligent person do.

And it's not about "belive" or have "fairth" in science. Science works with evidence. If you belive in evolution or not, that doesn't matter, bc evolution happens, acepting you or not. There's enough evidence there to prove that evolution is most certain a fact. But of course, if scientists find an evidence that proves evolution wrong, I'll accept it. But it's not saying "Evolution is bs" that you'll debunk a scientific theory (Theory in science doesn't mean hypothesis).

I'm really sorry if I'm getting over the top, but this stuff makes me mad as hell. No one likes scientists, bc they tell you the truth and reality about the world we live, and truth hurts. I just think there's a lot of scientists working out there to make the world a better place for us, and they don't get recognized bc of those bastards that do nothing for the world and think they know all or are too dumb to find answers and just say "God made it and it's perfect"...

To quote someone (I think it's Carl Sagan): "I don't want to belive, I want to know".
ls your family religious? Mine are and we sometimes argue about that. We'll always love each other though despite disagreements.
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PostSubject: Re: Blow Off Some Steam: Through the Portal   Thu Jun 30, 2016 8:37 pm

Spinosaur4.4 wrote:
I was cleaning my old aquarium and I started feel bad about it. I was a kid and earned 3 fishes, they all died in 7 months bc I was so dumb and ignorant. I killed them. I killed 3 lifes. I know it's so long ago, and some ppl will say "they're just fish" but for me it still hurts. It hurts my ignorance took 3 lifes. Just bc it's a fish doesn't mean their lifes aren't valuable. I would say they matter the same as my life.

You have no idea... 28. It wasn't until the last aquarium (#2 out of 6) emptied that I realized what I have been doing is inhumane. Only a few animals lasted more than 3 years.

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PostSubject: Re: Blow Off Some Steam: Through the Portal   Thu Jun 30, 2016 11:58 pm

I miss my fish tank. I had a 90 gallon saltwater tank but my dad made me sell it Sad.
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PostSubject: Re: Blow Off Some Steam: Through the Portal   Fri Jul 01, 2016 11:17 am

I still want to have another aquarium and try again. I'm reading and learning from my mistakes. But I'll only have one when I'm fully secure in what I'm doing. I don't want the fish to suffer.
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PostSubject: Re: Blow Off Some Steam: Through the Portal   Fri Jul 01, 2016 7:03 pm

RaptorLover0823 wrote:
Spinosaur4.4 wrote:
I was cleaning my old aquarium and I started feel bad about it. I was a kid and earned 3 fishes, they all died in 7 months bc I was so dumb and ignorant. I killed them. I killed 3 lifes. I know it's so long ago, and some ppl will say "they're just fish" but for me it still hurts. It hurts my ignorance took 3 lifes. Just bc it's a fish doesn't mean their lifes aren't valuable. I would say they matter the same as my life.

You have no idea... 28. It wasn't until the last aquarium (#2 out of 6) emptied that I realized what I have been doing is inhumane. Only a few animals lasted more than 3 years.

At last, finally, someone who appreciates fish.

I have a 90 gallon tank and collectively maintain 110 gallons of water.  But I wouldn't call fish keeping inherently inhumane any more than having a pet dog or cat.  Sorry to hear about the losses though. Sad

There's probably a reason the fish didn't last more than three years.  I've had fish live longer than their actual listed lifespan, with one tetra in particular lasting through 2 hurricanes and six years total.  If anyone wants any advice on fishkeeping, feel free to PM me.  Have about 15 years experience with various types of fish, including aggressive, large, and venomous.

I'm a member of a forum and am more or less known as the fish doctor because of my knowledge of illnesses and antibiotics.  So if anyone wants advice, I'm open.  I urge anyone looking to get back into the hobby to do so - we don't look down upon others who don't know as much, as we just want to make sure your fish are happy and healthy.

@Spino, it's never just a fish.  I had a betta for about a year who was a rescue (as in rescued from bad condtions) and I loved that fish so much I buried it with a potted plant outside.  Cried for days.
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PostSubject: Re: Blow Off Some Steam: Through the Portal   Sat Jul 02, 2016 10:40 am

CaptainNoodles wrote:
RaptorLover0823 wrote:
Spinosaur4.4 wrote:
I was cleaning my old aquarium and I started feel bad about it. I was a kid and earned 3 fishes, they all died in 7 months bc I was so dumb and ignorant. I killed them. I killed 3 lifes. I know it's so long ago, and some ppl will say "they're just fish" but for me it still hurts. It hurts my ignorance took 3 lifes. Just bc it's a fish doesn't mean their lifes aren't valuable. I would say they matter the same as my life.

You have no idea... 28. It wasn't until the last aquarium (#2 out of 6) emptied that I realized what I have been doing is inhumane. Only a few animals lasted more than 3 years.

At last, finally, someone who appreciates fish.

I have a 90 gallon tank and collectively maintain 110 gallons of water.  But I wouldn't call fish keeping inherently inhumane any more than having a pet dog or cat.  Sorry to hear about the losses though. Sad

There's probably a reason the fish didn't last more than three years.  I've had fish live longer than their actual listed lifespan, with one tetra in particular lasting through 2 hurricanes and six years total.  If anyone wants any advice on fishkeeping, feel free to PM me.  Have about 15 years experience with various types of fish, including aggressive, large, and venomous.

I'm a member of a forum and am more or less known as the fish doctor because of my knowledge of illnesses and antibiotics.  So if anyone wants advice, I'm open.  I urge anyone looking to get back into the hobby to do so - we don't look down upon others who don't know as much, as we just want to make sure your fish are happy and healthy.

@Spino, it's never just a fish.  I had a betta for about a year who was a rescue (as in rescued from bad condtions) and I loved that fish so much I buried it with a potted plant outside.  Cried for days.

I cried for days also when my fish died. I plan to have a betta latter, never had one and they look beautiful and interesting to have.
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PostSubject: Re: Blow Off Some Steam: Through the Portal   Sat Jul 02, 2016 10:42 am

Well, if you want advice, feel free to pm.
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PostSubject: Re: Blow Off Some Steam: Through the Portal   Sat Jul 02, 2016 10:51 am

Thank you. Very Happy
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PostSubject: Re: Blow Off Some Steam: Through the Portal   Sat Jul 02, 2016 2:57 pm

It doesn't help that my local Petco is a flipping fish slaughter house, in fact, this location and supposedly others have stopped selling saltwater because they didn't have a single clue what they were doing.

Anyways, I'd be willing to restore my 4 gallon saltwater aquarium, but we have to find out if there's still a Randall's Pistol Shrimp in there. I've also been thinking about taking in my friend's 10 gallon, since they don't use it anymore.

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PostSubject: Re: Blow Off Some Steam: Through the Portal   Sat Jul 02, 2016 7:16 pm

A 4 gallon saltwater aquarium, or anything "nano" (anything below 30g) in saltwater is largely the hardest tank to maintain in the hobby.  You might want to consider going freshwater.  That would probably explain why you lost many fish.

Most, if not all, saltwater fish are wild caught and thereby extremely hard to keep in captivity after the trauma of being captured as well as the difficult environment in general.
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PostSubject: Re: Blow Off Some Steam: Through the Portal   Sat Jul 02, 2016 10:13 pm

^Well, I think that's why my fish died. My tank had only 20L. Sad

But mine wasn't saltwater. I learned that they're more harder to keep.
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PostSubject: Re: Blow Off Some Steam: Through the Portal   Mon Jul 04, 2016 8:48 pm

Smaller tanks are generally harder to keep because tanks in themselves are a closed system.  The bigger the system, the more efficient the system is.  For a small tank, temp changes, ammonia spikes, etc etc, are all much more drastic.

Not much can be kept in a 20L tank as well.
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PostSubject: Re: Blow Off Some Steam: Through the Portal   Tue Jul 05, 2016 7:45 am

So, My sister had a party last night, and my mother and I were shoved into the bedroom for all night. She had been saying "I'll have 'em out by 11." eventually the clock hit 11:30, so I had to say something, "I thought you were going to have everyone out by now" She for some reason took extreme offense to this, and started to yell at me and even threatened to come into the bedroom and attack me, so all I could do was constantly apologize and hope for mercy.

Thankfully, about 7 minutes she came to her senses and apologized, having realized that she was drunk off her a**. I woke up about 20 minutes ago to find that the party had finally ended, and first thing I said, "Mom, next party, no jello shots for the host." We laughed for a bit, and well, now I'm here.

Oh yeah, quick note, I'm going to be offline (I'll still be on Facebook) for a family roadtrip until I think the 16th. Adios.

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PostSubject: Re: Blow Off Some Steam: Through the Portal   Wed Jul 13, 2016 11:02 pm

Chalk one up for the friend zone. xP
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PostSubject: Re: Blow Off Some Steam: Through the Portal   Thu Jul 14, 2016 7:36 pm

So I'm a pretty big thrill seeker and ride roller coasters a lot. They can't build one big enough, tall enough, scary enough to keep me off etc Wink

But last week I went to ride one of my favorite rides and immediately felt bad head pain at one point in the ride. I was so extremely dizzy and disoriented that I had to lay down in my car for a bit. Well I have still had a mild headache all week(nothing too bad) but today a bruise has randomly formed on my forehead, where the headache began. I did not hit my head on anything.

So I go to the doctor and she says I "possibly " could have had a brain bleed and that can make a bruise through the skull. This is scaring me....... I have to go get a scan most likely tomorrow. Jesus
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PostSubject: Re: Blow Off Some Steam: Through the Portal   Sun Jul 17, 2016 8:29 pm

You know, why are Bull Rex's and Thrasher Rex's going for so much money? They costed $50 dollars or something in store, so a loose used one today should cost about the same price. But 70-130 dollars? Jeez.

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PostSubject: Re: Blow Off Some Steam: Through the Portal   Sun Jul 17, 2016 10:50 pm

RaptorLover0823 wrote:
You know, why are Bull Rex's and Thrasher Rex's going for so much money? They costed $50 dollars or something in store, so a loose used one today should cost about the same price. But 70-130 dollars? Jeez.

They're well built, durable, fun and accurate toys. Whaddya expect? Plus people drive up the prices to get more money bc they think they can fool someone into paying that.

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PostSubject: Re: Blow Off Some Steam: Through the Portal   Sun Jul 17, 2016 11:33 pm

RaptorLover0823 wrote:
You know, why are Bull Rex's and Thrasher Rex's going for so much money? They costed $50 dollars or something in store, so a loose used one today should cost about the same price. But 70-130 dollars? Jeez.

You would be surprised to see how much they cost in Brazil.
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PostSubject: Re: Blow Off Some Steam: Through the Portal   Mon Jul 18, 2016 5:17 am

RaptorLover0823 wrote:
You know, why are Bull Rex's and Thrasher Rex's going for so much money? They costed $50 dollars or something in store, so a loose used one today should cost about the same price. But 70-130 dollars? Jeez.

Levine made a good point above, but also, consider the pool of these figures is drying up. Original JP figures ran from 93-94 I believe, and TLW was 97-98 (not sure on the CE time table, but I think it was 98 or 99 only). I imagine technically there's probably still several out there, but you've kind of got to break it down a few ways.

1. Collectors buy them. Some collectors want more than one, boxed, unboxed, etc. For example I have an Omega Rex that has some marker on the feet and the slit cut open slightly further, so I bought a second one in much better shape. These collectors aren't going to sell, because, well, they collect them.

2. Parents bought them for kids back in the day, and those kids are holding on to them for their kids (what I've done.).

3. Parents bought them for their kids back in the day, and those kids destroyed them. Obviously nothing to sell here, but the idea is a lot of them, like a lot of all toys, probably met their end at the hands of destructive kids. I'd bet probably half of all of them have or will meet this fate.

4. Other damage, from environmental hazards, stored in hot places etc., can ruin these things, being they were made with the rubbery skin. Battery leakage on Bull's could be another problem.

5. Lastly, Hasbro just sort of sucks now, and it really drives the demand for the older figures. I actually think there are some gems in the JW line, but I'm in the minority, and people just want the better stuff. So much like Levine was saying, the opportunistic sellers out there throw it out for a higher price because people will pay for a better toy.


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PostSubject: Re: Blow Off Some Steam: Through the Portal   Sun Jul 31, 2016 2:02 pm

Well my brain isn't bleeding. That's atleast one good news lol!!!
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PostSubject: Re: Blow Off Some Steam: Through the Portal   Sun Jul 31, 2016 5:28 pm

Troyal1 wrote:
Well my brain isn't bleeding. That's atleast one good news lol!!!
Your post sounds so nonchalant, lol. Good to hear its not as bad as you thought Troya. Here's hoping everything gets cleared up soon.

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PostSubject: Re: Blow Off Some Steam: Through the Portal   Tue Aug 02, 2016 8:42 pm

Those days were hard for me. Really hard. I'm really depressed and went travel those days. It was awesome but then I started feeling like sh*t and all those feelings came again. So I went suicidal. The rest I think I don't need to explain. Got caught, or I wouldn't be there. I'm trying to not use internet so much and I've forbidden to use it.


And to make things worse, I think  I'll never be able to leave my country, after this Olympics. We never asked for this sh*t to be here, but hey, corruption and bribes everywhere! Everything will be exposed and ALL the world will see it, and remain with the same cliché steriotyped view of my country. The same sh*t again. The world will still see us as inferior, incompetent and savage people.

I mean, this shouldn't be here, and they should chose another city to host, not Rio (if they were going to chose Brazil one way or another). Why not put the city host on Rio Grande do Sul region? Or even São Paulo? It would be more safer and I bet they would make a better Opening Cerimony, without showing how the world see us. Since it's Rio, they'll open with the same sh*t: Carnival, samba, funk, favelas and natives. HOW ON EARTH is favelas and poverty, good things to show on an Olympics Cerimony to all the world to see?Seriously, Brazil is more than that. I know my country has a LOT of issues, but the story has so many interesting things to show, things some ppl never imagine it would exist/happen here, things that would break steriotypes and make ppl think "wow I never knew about that."... So many things wrong with this Olympics. If I had the power I would cancel this sh*t and move somewhere else. It won't bring anything good to my country, it's just an excuse for those politic bastards to steal more money from the population.

Anyway, depressed about myself, about my country, about everything.
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PostSubject: Re: Blow Off Some Steam: Through the Portal   Wed Aug 03, 2016 2:54 pm

Well they didnt change venues for the Olympics because it takes a few years to have everything up and running. They couldnt just throw it onto another city and hope for the best.

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PostSubject: Re: Blow Off Some Steam: Through the Portal   Wed Aug 03, 2016 4:37 pm

Dead2009 wrote:
Well they didnt change venues for the Olympics because it takes a few years to have everything up and running. They couldnt just throw it onto another city and hope for the best.

I know what you mean, and you're right. I can side with S4.4. though, because they knowingly won the bid, then placed it in an already poverty stricken area, and all the countries problems are basically on display in front of the entire world. It's hard for some of us on the outside to see what he might see, like how sadly the US has become pretty desensitized to gun violence and other countries look at us like a bunch of savages.

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PostSubject: Re: Blow Off Some Steam: Through the Portal   Fri Aug 12, 2016 4:33 am

Wanna hear a great joke? Bus schedules. I was supposed to be on a bus at 11:20 pm, but we didn't board until 1:10 am.

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PostSubject: Re: Blow Off Some Steam: Through the Portal   Wed Aug 17, 2016 8:58 pm

This is more sadness and confusion than anger, but here it goes.

I'm not sure whats gonna happen. I'm a teen in high school but in a few years I'll be out and I still don't know what my passion is. I talk to other people and they know what they want to do, even if they don't end up doing that with their life, they have something to work towards. I have nothing, before I was really into paleontology, and it still amazes me today, but for around a year I tried seeing the more serious things like what classes I need and the real science behind it (instead of the reading and debating with people like I did before) just drains me. It makes me feel bored and kind of, I'm not sure, drained, gloomy, it's a feeling I've never had that I can't explain. So I decided this isn't what I want to do with my life. I still read articles about discoveries from time to time, but it's a hobby that I think should stay a hobby for me.

So then came up the fact that I love gaming, mainly minecraft when I first started, but I played other games too. This lasted for years and I thought maybe I should be a youtuber as my job, but I knew it was an unrealistic goal and while I kept the option open for the future, I knew I needed another job to work towards, youtube doesn't always become a person's job. Well now, recently, I haven't been playing any games besides ocassional Pokemon Go (which really, how much of a game is that?) and I only play games with friends. See part of me keeps saying try doing youtube in the future, but I'm growing apart from what I could do videos on, gaming. I've tried drawing and sports, I'm just not good at either nor do I enjoy sports (drawing a little but I keep trying, it's just not my thing). So here I am, feeling like I'm ready to move on to a new main hobby/interest, not to mention the past years my life has been directionless, with no real career ideas. Now I'm here, I plan to be more social and get better relationships, but is that really a hobby? All I do is watch tv and go out with friends or play games with em occasionally. It's like, I'm happy I'm not as shy any more and I'm excited that I can finally have more meaningful relationships, but now at the same time I'm just, here, existing, not having any long term goals, not having a passion. Seems like everyone has something they generally want to work towards, and now I'm like "I'll take this class and hopefully it'll help me in the future whatever I end up doing".

At first, I didn't care much, but now its a matter of a few years I'll be out there, I feel like I'll be working in fast food for a long time, still not knowing what I want to really do. Not to mention that I can't really say much when asked about hobbies. I've always had 1 main hobby and then I move to the next, now I'm not moving on. The recent hobby is fading but a new one isn't taking it's place.

Sorry it's so long, any advice? Just had to get that off my chest.
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PostSubject: Re: Blow Off Some Steam: Through the Portal   Thu Aug 18, 2016 1:48 am

Fossildude747 wrote:
This is more sadness and confusion than anger, but here it goes.

I'm not sure whats gonna happen. I'm a teen in high school but in a few years I'll be out and I still don't know what my passion is. I talk to other people and they know what they want to do, even if they don't end up doing that with their life, they have something to work towards. I have nothing, before I was really into paleontology, and it still amazes me today, but for around a year I tried seeing the more serious things like what classes I need and the real science behind it (instead of the reading and debating with people like I did before) just drains me. It makes me feel bored and kind of, I'm not sure, drained, gloomy, it's a feeling I've never had that I can't explain. So I decided this isn't what I want to do with my life. I still read articles about discoveries from time to time, but it's a hobby that I think should stay a hobby for me.

So then came up the fact that I love gaming, mainly minecraft when I first started, but I played other games too. This lasted for years and I thought maybe I should be a youtuber as my job, but I knew it was an unrealistic goal and while I kept the option open for the future, I knew I needed another job to work towards, youtube doesn't always become a person's job. Well now, recently, I haven't been playing any games besides ocassional Pokemon Go (which really, how much of a game is that?) and I only play games with friends. See part of me keeps saying try doing youtube in the future, but I'm growing apart from what I could do videos on, gaming. I've tried drawing and sports, I'm just not good at either nor do I enjoy sports (drawing a little but I keep trying, it's just not my thing). So here I am, feeling like I'm ready to move on to a new main hobby/interest, not to mention the past years my life has been directionless, with no real career ideas. Now I'm here, I plan to be more social and get better relationships, but is that really a hobby? All I do is watch tv and go out with friends or play games with em occasionally. It's like, I'm happy I'm not as shy any more and I'm excited that I can finally have more meaningful relationships, but now at the same time I'm just, here, existing, not having any long term goals, not having a passion. Seems like everyone has something they generally want to work towards, and now I'm like "I'll take this class and hopefully it'll help me in the future whatever I end up doing".

At first, I didn't care much, but now its a matter of a few years I'll be out there, I feel like I'll be working in fast food for a long time, still not knowing what I want to really do. Not to mention that I can't really say much when asked about hobbies. I've always had 1 main hobby and then I move to the next, now I'm not moving on. The recent hobby is fading but a new one isn't taking it's place.

Sorry it's so long, any advice? Just had to get that off my chest.

Sounds like you and are in the same boat, except I'm a few years ahead of you. I'm 27, with an associates degree in college...but I don't have any idea of where I'm going., I have a family, but I've been working grocery store jobs most of my life. I'm good at some things, but not particularly great at anything. The age gap is only getting further as well, and eventually even if I do find something, it'll boil down to the 20-something straight out of school or the 30-something potentially straight out of school, and people will always want the up-and-comer, so to speak, so the options are dwindling everyday. It's hard, I know, but it's just so hard to find anything. Location sometimes doesn't help either as there may not be a whole lot around you.

I wish I could be more positive, but hang in there. Keep looking and trying new things.

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PostSubject: Re: Blow Off Some Steam: Through the Portal   Thu Aug 18, 2016 8:05 pm

TheDreamMaster wrote:


Sounds like you and are in the same boat, except I'm a few years ahead of you. I'm 27, with an associates degree in college...but I don't have any idea of where I'm going., I have a family, but I've been working grocery store jobs most of my life. I'm good at some things, but not particularly great at anything. The age gap is only getting further as well, and eventually even if I do find something, it'll boil down to the 20-something straight out of school or the 30-something potentially straight out of school, and people will always want the up-and-comer, so to speak, so the options are dwindling everyday. It's hard, I know, but it's just so hard to find anything. Location sometimes doesn't help either as there may not be a whole lot around you.

I wish I could be more positive, but hang in there. Keep looking and trying new things.    

I think stuff is happening at the wrong time for me though. Do to me having been shy and only being able to start breaking out of my shell recently, the only friends I hang out with outside of school are 3 I knew since what, 2nd grade? As time went on I made plenty of friends, but I'm gonna have to work on getting used to these 'new' (aka knew for 2 years but never invited to do stuff outside of school or met my parents because I was too shy to ask) friends meeting my parents or something as awkward as it is. My old friends are growing apart from me now. So I can see if my existing friends have any interesting hobbies I can try with them to break that outside of workplace ice. Except, well most hobbies at this age involve sports, which I liked at one point but became bored quickly, or video games which I'm growing off of. So if I don't find hobbies my existing friends have that interest me, then I'll try making new friends (I've looked at hobby lists, it just doesn't interest me, all my hobbies besides paleontology have been because I found them through friends)

Wouldn't be a problem except that I have no hobbies now, so how am I supposed to talk to new people with not much to say on my end, 'eh I don't really do much right now', yeah that's making me sound like a real interesting person to hang out with -_-, even if I say I'm looking for hobbies how many people are really gonna think 'I'll be friends with someone that doesn't do anything and help them'. No, you be friends with people because you like them, you help friends yes, but nobody even the most supportive friends would make friendships with people just to help them with something if you have nothing in common.

In short, I'm happy with some changes in my life, like being more positive and trying more, but then again, when I was shy I had more interests, now I'm finally ready to break out of that shell and I don't have any hobbies to talk about. Sure I can have conversations with people in school about things, but without having any hobbies, I have no hobbies to do with others. Maybe I'm just overlooking it though, either I'll meet someone that thinks other aspects of me are interesting enough and I'll find hobbies through them, or my existing friends or something else will bring up a new hobby. At least I have friends to help me with this. I'm entering a happy stage of my life and I'm just having some growing pains perhaps.

Not sure why I still posted this when I basically just wrote what I was thinking and figured it out, oh well
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PostSubject: Re: Blow Off Some Steam: Through the Portal   Fri Aug 19, 2016 12:52 am

I've come to the realization recently that I have extreme anxiety. After high school, I didn't go to college and I've had trouble finding work. I'm starting a job tomorrow, and I'm intimidated but feel good about it, but it took me a long time to realize that there was something wrong with me.

For as long as I can remember, I've always been the kind of guy who gets nervous about everything. As an example, one day in 6th grade everyone in my class had to do some eye and ear exams. I don't know why but I got paranoid and nervous in my head about the idea that maybe me eyesight isn't normal, and when I was asked to see the letters on the poster on the wall, my mind panicked and I difficulty saying the letters out loud. I also have trouble physically touching people I don't know well or people whom I have affection for, I have constant paranoia that people around me are making fun of me in some sort of way, and I can't even order from a restaurant without becoming awkward. It's basically like the everyday things that people do that feel awkward, but I think it's magnified for me. I literally didn't want to go to college because I didn't want to be around people, I had trouble finding work because it felt to awkward to ask for an application at stores. Since high school I've been a hermit, my friends have all moved away and gone to college, and the only one I hang out with I think feels that it's more out of responsibility to make sure I'm okay mentally.

The thing that upsets me the most is that I feel that I was given a lot opportunities in my life and I abandoned them because I was too afraid of stupid things. In school, I was in a speech class and was one of the teacher's favorites because for some reason I don't feel terrible doing on-stage stuff, but I didn't do national speech competitions that my teacher recommended because the idea of traveling and being around strangers made me feel sick more than the speaking part and I quit acting in a school play after the first day not because of being on stage but because I was around two girls, one who I had a former confusing relationship and the other a girl who rejected me. I remember so many instances where my friends wanted to hang out outside of school but because it wasn't a week in advance where I could prepare, I refused. That happened so much that most of my friends stopped asking to hang out for awhile. I don't use the buses, I stare awkwardly in waiting rooms to the point that women think I'm perverted and looking at them, the few people who were interested in me romantically during high school I drove away because all I could do was text them and had difficulty touching or even talking to them in person. I go weeks without leaving my house.

I've felt better since I've acknowledged my problem, the self-awareness has helped me slightly overcome certain things. It's going to be a long process and my travel to true independence from my family will take way longer than everybody I know. But I feel I have a lot of regrets, and I don't entirely know how to overcome anxiety. I don't have money for therapy or to receive any official diagnosis, but I do think there is something deeply wrong with me.

I haven't felt suicidal since I was maybe 14 or 15, and I don't think I'll ever feel that way again. But I cry often and I'm definitely depressed. I've always sort of hated myself for being the way I am, like I had done something made me different than other people. The people I was once close with in high school all seem to be so happy and they managed to figure life out better than I could. And no matter how much advice I get, no matter how many people try to sympathize, I feel like I'm not flowing through the universe naturally. I feel useless, a burden to my family, and a complete f*ck up.
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PostSubject: Re: Blow Off Some Steam: Through the Portal   Fri Aug 19, 2016 2:19 pm

evolution_rex wrote:
I've come to the realization recently that I have extreme anxiety. After high school, I didn't go to college and I've had trouble finding work. I'm starting a job tomorrow, and I'm intimidated but feel good about it, but it took me a long time to realize that there was something wrong with me.

For as long as I can remember, I've always been the kind of guy who gets nervous about everything. As an example, one day in 6th grade everyone in my class had to do some eye and ear exams. I don't know why but I got paranoid and nervous in my head about the idea that maybe me eyesight isn't normal, and when I was asked to see the letters on the poster on the wall, my mind panicked and I difficulty saying the letters out loud. I also have trouble physically touching people I don't know well or people whom I have affection for, I have constant paranoia that people around me are making fun of me in some sort of way, and I can't even order from a restaurant without becoming awkward. It's basically like the everyday things that people do that feel awkward, but I think it's magnified for me. I literally didn't want to go to college because I didn't want to be around people, I had trouble finding work because it felt to awkward to ask for an application at stores. Since high school I've been a hermit, my friends have all moved away and gone to college, and the only one I hang out with I think feels that it's more out of responsibility to make sure I'm okay mentally.

The thing that upsets me the most is that I feel that I was given a lot opportunities in my life and I abandoned them because I was too afraid of stupid things. In school, I was in a speech class and was one of the teacher's favorites because for some reason I don't feel terrible doing on-stage stuff, but I didn't do national speech competitions that my teacher recommended because the idea of traveling and being around strangers made me feel sick more than the speaking part and I quit acting in a school play after the first day not because of being on stage but because I was around two girls, one who I had a former confusing relationship and the other a girl who rejected me. I remember so many instances where my friends wanted to hang out outside of school but because it wasn't a week in advance where I could prepare, I refused. That happened so much that most of my friends stopped asking to hang out for awhile. I don't use the buses, I stare awkwardly in waiting rooms to the point that women think I'm perverted and looking at them, the few people who were interested in me romantically during high school I drove away because all I could do was text them and had difficulty touching or even talking to them in person. I go weeks without leaving my house.

I've felt better since I've acknowledged my problem, the self-awareness has helped me slightly overcome certain things. It's going to be a long process and my travel to true independence from my family will take way longer than everybody I know. But I feel I have a lot of regrets, and I don't entirely know how to overcome anxiety. I don't have money for therapy or to receive any official diagnosis, but I do think there is something deeply wrong with me.

I haven't felt suicidal since I was maybe 14 or 15, and I don't think I'll ever feel that way again. But I cry often and I'm definitely depressed. I've always sort of hated myself for being the way I am, like I had done something made me different than other people. The people I was once close with in high school all seem to be so happy and they managed to figure life out better than I could. And no matter how much advice I get, no matter how many people try to sympathize, I feel like I'm not flowing through the universe naturally. I feel useless, a burden to my family, and a complete f*ck up.

Evo, I'm sorry you feel like this. I can relate as I suffer from depression and anxiety due to my PTSD. It does suck at times but you have to keep on moving forward. The past is the past, you have to learn to live in the present. You can't rewrite the chapters of your life that are gone but you can change how your story ends.

I highly encourage you to try your best to reach out for help in finding some therapy. I understand you don't have I surface but there may be alternatives. Perhaps some sort of group meetings or sponsored events. You'll have search but you can find it. I encourage you to do soon or else you may miss more opportunities. It's a hard road but it will be worth it.

Its been 10 years of suffering for me and I wish more than anything I'd tried harder to fix myself sooner. I checked into a clinic for vets with PTSD a little over a week ago and I'm finally doing what needs to be done. You should consider it as well.

I mostly just want you to know that you're not alone and you are supported. If you need to talk you have my Facebook and you can message me anytime.

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PostSubject: Re: Blow Off Some Steam: Through the Portal   Sun Aug 21, 2016 3:41 pm

So the job I had just ended just after two days because apparently I left work earlier than I was suppose to, but that's because they told everyone in shipping to go home early. We were suppose to all work to 1 am but there wasn't much to do so they gathered everyone and said we could all go for the day around 11. About 20 people left. They called me and said that I was done, said that said I 'quit for the day before the shift was over and told them I'd be there tomorrow'. Completely BS.

I'm assuming it may have had something to do with this racist kid who thought, because he was in the company of other white guys, that he could start spouting off racist stuff. He called a black woman the N word around me and my brother, kept talking about how Mexicans should leave. It was uncomfortable for us so we told a supervisor, and it looked like he was fired on the spot. Turns out he has an aunt who works in management! I was fired because a racist asshole had nepotism.
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PostSubject: Re: Blow Off Some Steam: Through the Portal   Mon Aug 22, 2016 5:00 pm

evolution_rex wrote:
So the job I had just ended just after two days because apparently I left work earlier than I was suppose to, but that's because they told everyone in shipping to go home early. We were suppose to all work to 1 am but there wasn't much to do so they gathered everyone and said we could all go for the day around 11. About 20 people left. They called me and said that I was done, said that said I 'quit for the day before the shift was over and told them I'd be there tomorrow'. Completely BS.

I'm assuming it may have had something to do with this racist kid who thought, because he was in the company of other white guys, that he could start spouting off racist stuff. He called a black woman the N word around me and my brother, kept talking about how Mexicans should leave. It was uncomfortable for us so we told a supervisor, and it looked like he was fired on the spot. Turns out he has an aunt who works in management! I was fired because a racist asshole had nepotism.

You really take your story to your local news and then sue the company to boot. The way I see things, you have a decent case of winning a wrongful termination lawsuit. Not only that, but it will expose the entire company as morally corrupt. Besides, even if you lose the case, the PR nightmare will be so bad, that the company will have no choice but to settle, which will prove you were right. It may seem like I'm advocating fighting dirty....and I am. The way I see it, they didn't care about you, so you shouldn't care about them. Turnabout is fair play.
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PostSubject: Re: Blow Off Some Steam: Through the Portal   Tue Aug 23, 2016 12:42 am

I learned that 12 other people were gotten rid of too, and while the reasoning is still incorrect, I think I was just caught up in the heat of the moment and don't think that the two instances were connected. It was temp work, and temp work is often unpredictable.

But that, mixed with the fact that I learned my dog, who I've have since I was 5 (I'm 20), is dying and will most likely have to put him down if medication doesn't help, has made this week feel like a complete mess. Like the big rant just a few posts ago said, I was starting to break out of my shell, and now this happens.
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PostSubject: Re: Blow Off Some Steam: Through the Portal   Sun Sep 11, 2016 4:11 am

I kinda hate things right now... Not sure how I got here, or why I care, but I'm unhappy right now.

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PostSubject: Re: Blow Off Some Steam: Through the Portal   Sun Sep 11, 2016 9:29 pm

A family member died a few weeks ago, and I feel pretty bad. Sometimes I stay up all night in my bed, thinking about death and how I'm going to be dead one day. Death takes up 80 percent of my thoughts right now...
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PostSubject: Re: Blow Off Some Steam: Through the Portal   Thu Sep 15, 2016 3:55 pm

I'm not sure how to feel right now. On one hand, I'm ready to be more social, and I'm surrounded by new people, in fact 3 classes I don't even know anyone much. Except, all the new people I'm surrounded by are people I'm not very interested in, 2 weeks in I've seen how these people act, and I don't feel like they're the type of people I wanna be around and hang out with. 1 or 2 people do interest me in my classes, but it's hard to find an opening to talk to people and a time you can talk without getting yelled at. Sure there's lunch, but it's hard to think of any conversation openers there.

I also met someone that made me feel important and now we didn't keep in touch, so I'm kinda sad that someone I saw the potential to be a great friend and made me feel important was just taken away from me.

And this isn't the first time this has happened. One of my best friends had to switch schools a long time ago, and now he's in the same school as me but he's changed a lot and we just aren't great friends anymore. I'm worried, I have good friends, but whenever I meet someone that relies on me or makes me feel important life seems to just take that person away from me.

I can try being more social all I want, but how many people am I actually gonna meet that make me feel important or needed and then have them be ripped away again. People like that are hard to find and I'm sick of them being taken away from me, I mean we can keep in touch this time if I remember.
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PostSubject: Re: Blow Off Some Steam: Through the Portal   Fri Sep 16, 2016 11:57 pm

My loved canary died today, after more than 10 years with me. RIP Snoopy.
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PostSubject: Re: Blow Off Some Steam: Through the Portal   Sun Sep 18, 2016 5:57 pm

Been working hard lately, but there isn't much thanks for that from any end. Sometimes, I feel like I'm doing this stuff for myself, that I'm throwing my hard work into the void and hoping for an answer.
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PostSubject: Re: Blow Off Some Steam: Through the Portal   Mon Sep 19, 2016 4:36 pm

I feel ya on that one Lord Kristine
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PostSubject: Re: Blow Off Some Steam: Through the Portal   Mon Sep 19, 2016 5:04 pm

What is with lazy douchebags, most of them men, who refuse to pull their pants up all the way? It would be one thing if they were high schoolers. I expect that stuff from them. But I usually see it nowadays with middle-aged and old people not appearing proper in public? WTF?! Are you really that f'ing lazy about your appearance that you really don't care about others seeing your crack? What moral right do you have to complain about how others dress when you don't care about your own public appearance?! It not only do I see this with people older then me that piss me off (STOP SHOWING OFF YOUR CRACK!), but it's how they trash my generation, I'm a millennial, for not dressing good at all.

Ladies/women, you know how you say how much men are pigs? Well, I'll meet you halfway and say the past generation who are too lazy too pull up their pants all the way are pigs. PULL UP YOUR PANTS!!!!!!!
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PostSubject: Re: Blow Off Some Steam: Through the Portal   Tue Oct 11, 2016 1:56 am

A girl decided she was done putting up with a deadbeat boyfriend and ended their relationship. It turned out the deadbeat was seeing someone else not too long ago. So why did he stay with the first girl? It was simple. He still loved her. This made the second girl very jealous.

Like any sane person would do, she did not blame the guy who was playing her but instead blamed the first girl who was kept in the dark the entire time. So Rebound-Girl took to social media taking jabs at the first girl, making comments about her looks and social status while pretending she was high-class all while changing her own makeup and hair to look like the first girl to please the deadbeat. The weak-willed boyfriend did nothing to stop the harassment as he cowered underneath the shadow of Rebound-Girl.

The first girl decided to be the mature one and left it alone. Deciding she wasn't done with her, Rebound-Girl had her sisters join in on the bullying and soon even her mother became involved. It was easy to see where they got their charm from (and how to feign having class).

But like all tales, you can't keep the hero down. She continued and would continue to overcome each obstacle while Peppa Pig continued her tirade of hate-filled posts, waiting for her friends and followers to leave a like with looks of awe and admiration over their false idol.

Spoiler:
 

I found out from my aunt that one of my cousins stupidly went on that bitch's Facebook and liked one of her posts. Now she thinks my sister sent our cousin to spy on her. I never really did go on a rant here about how many of my cousins I hate.
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PostSubject: Re: Blow Off Some Steam: Through the Portal   Mon Oct 24, 2016 7:19 pm

So I know this is a petty thing to complain about, but do you know what bugs me? Mother****in' Clickbait news articles. I hate seeing these "news" articles on facebook all the time. And if you don't know these, let me show you one I saw last night.
"Janitor starts crying during a school photo for a reason that will move you"
You see what's wrong with that title? It doesn't give you a brief statement of what happened. but rather just says that a janitor's crying (Whoop-dee-fricken'-doo).

You know what happened, the school threw him a party for his great work and friendly attitude. Isn't that really unsatisfying? Yes, but then the cherry on top is the ads that flood the page, showing that this was one big cash in on your curiosity. You know what I say to that? *Language, sorry*

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PostSubject: Re: Blow Off Some Steam: Through the Portal   Mon Oct 24, 2016 11:11 pm

My memory stick got corrupted. I tried to format it and retrieve the files, but the files I got back are still corrupted, and I'm not sure if I can fix them.
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PostSubject: Re: Blow Off Some Steam: Through the Portal   Fri Nov 04, 2016 11:01 pm

Everyone listen, I'm sorry by the mess I made I never wanted to offend anyone here if anyone got offended by my last post on JW2 news, I wish I could fix things up I'm really sorry. I like this place. I really do. But it looks like I'm a freak and I don't feel well with myself. Maybe destiny really exists and I can't change that. I give up. I just fucking want to die. For real. I just want to say sorry for anyone here.
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