Blow Off Some Steam: Through the Portal

There is this girl I've kinda-sorta befriended who lives in Texas. I became aware of her during my Brony years in 2013 and followed her YouTube channel in proper in 2015, came across her original fantasy story 'Dragon Queen: Scarlet Reign' and greatly enjoyed it, listening to her voice over narration on YouTube and reading further chapters on Wattpad. When I started writing it was in fantasy, and I felt that she was better than I was at that age (17), I allowed myself to believe she was a kindred spirit. I kept an active social life throughout University, but through three quarters of 2016 I was living with my parents and my attachment to the online world grew, and to her as a result. I even started having vivid dreams about meeting and interacting with her in real life, and had to speak to therapists to get over it. By the time she got it published, she put a summary review I wrote for it on the last chapter on the back of her book! I was over the moon! And then it started up again. Now, we know each other over Twitter, Facebook and Twitch, and share a few mutual friends there. She even agreed to let me interview her for a Writing & Publication Course essay, which got a really good mark for original interview material. Following her on Twitch, it was fun to just hang around as she played video games with me cracking jokes over the chat feed; she even looked surprised and happy to see me join. I can honestly say that for a while she was a positive and inspiring presence in my life. For a while I wanted to get to know her better, but I still felt like an outsider looking in. Time differences make communication difficult, but I thought things would have changed by now.

Then there are the practical applications of trying to realize any kind of non-romantic friendship. I'm an Anglo-Mexican Agnostic with an Austrian Jewish grandmother, and who has a history of liberal leanings (at least until recently) while she's an all-American Christian with Conservative leanings. I have no personal issue with having a partner of faith, but my family in the UK is mostly Atheist with my Mum having left behind her Protestant days. I would rather not move to Texas, Trump’s America has become a joke, and Britain is looking less safe as time goes on. I fear that wherever I go, I will never fully belong or be accepted by her Christian family. 2 Corinthians 6:14 "Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?"
I may say that without really knowing her or her family, but that is what I fear.

Also, I'm aware that she also follows Paul Joseph Watson and Lauren Southern. I have good friends who follow them as well, but this is where it gets painful because I know my mixed ethnic background would make me a target if Britain were to do a full 180 reversal from the current socio-political state to a state where you could be killed for not being of the “correct” race. It’s one thing to advocate strict border control and warnings against Islamic acts of terror, but how long before it becomes a race war? And given the kinds of people Watson tends to attract, I clearly don’t have any kind of place amongst them. The moment I read remarks that cry for white supremacy or that “Hitler was right” (and believe me I’ve seen a few) is the moment I wish I weren’t human. But I don’t exactly care for the uber-left either, who I blame for perpetuating this nightmare. Between Islam becoming a greater threat in the UK and the deaths of innocents on the rise, I'm far from blind to how and why this is happening. But I cannot be a part of either group because I fear for what will happen after.

On a recent Twitter posting, she expressed her shock and outrage of the recent London attacks and suggested more preventative measures like checking on the histories of foreign individuals and increase in police forces. This I saw eye to eye with. Then she suggested allowing citizens the right to carry guns. This got to me hard because Britain doesn’t have the equivalent of the Second Amendment, and no systems to ensure regulation and discipline and keep such homicides in check. The country has one of the lowest rates of gun homicides in the world for a reason: BECAUSE WE DON'T LET UNTRAINED CITIZENS CARRY GUNS. I PROMISE YOU, GIVING PEOPLE GUNS WILL MAKE THINGS FAR, FAR WORSE!!!

Speaking personally, I have never used a gun in my life, and I fear that even with the training I would still be a greater threat to myself and to others. Even when my grandfather served in the RAF Intelligence, he never saw combat. My family on the whole are pacifistic and anti-war, but even I can’t help but detect the ominous clouds incoming.

I genuinely don't think she has a malicious bone in her body. Her reasons for feeling anger, disgust, fear or despair are the same as any of us would be in this situation. But I know now, for our mutual benefit, I should refrain from future interaction because I'm not the kind of guy I thought I could be for her. Not the confused, conflicted, lonely, fearful and lost adolescent that I really see myself as.

It feels like every step we collectively take into the future is a step away from her; I'm losing her before any kind of meaningful friendship could begin. I feel like I've invested too much to give up now, but I don't know if I'm poisoning myself with false hope. This isn’t a Left Winger and a Right Winger trying to get along and failing, I want to be friends with her because I thought it could lead to something more. I don’t wish her any ill will, but I have now accepted that if I have to move on and away from her because she is unwittingly causing me turmoil, then I will.

I just hope you don't all religious conservatives in a bad light like that. It's no secret that I'm a conservative/mostly conservative and views himself as a born-again Christian(I don't go to church, though. I have HADD and church always bored me.) since 2009. Your fears of Britain being an extremist nation are not unjustified. Even more so considering how Britain, like most other Western countries have a missive debt. I myself have some center-left, independent centrist friends so having people who are of different mindset's but are yet respectful to yours are always a good thing to have. As for guns you should do a little more research. It's not all as good as many think. To be fair, and don't take this wrong, I think you have to be around people who like different things to know what they like and why. As I said earlier, I have friends that are center-left and independents, so I really can't blame many of them for being Bernie Sanders supporters. I honestly think that you should spend more time with her and give her family a fair chance.

In truth, I don't want to act out of ignorance and blind fear and inadvertently cause pain for the both of us. I've seen what happens when one goes out of their way to label an entire political group in a bad light, and the results were exactly as bad as you would think. I'm not going that route. From what I have seen of her Mum and Dad, they come across as very nice and accommodating people but we haven't actually met in real life, mostly had online conversations. I will strive to follow your advice of being more open them. If past conversations (like Brexit and the Trump election) have taught me anything its that I really need to keep my emotions in check, something I have long struggled with.