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 Blow Off Some Steam: Through the Portal

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BarrytheOnyx
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PostSubject: Re: Blow Off Some Steam: Through the Portal   Mon Jun 05, 2017 3:04 pm

Warning: This is a really, really, really heavy post incoming. It deals with anger and heartbreak,
Left vs Right, and my ties to the online Brony reviewing community. And it's personal a very personal account. If you don't want to get into it, or if you read halfway through but can't finish it, I can't blame you. Same if you felt appalled or put off by what I have had to say. Simply judge as you see fit.


I don't want to be in love, and yet I can't help it. :
 
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PostSubject: Re: Blow Off Some Steam: Through the Portal   Mon Jun 05, 2017 3:38 pm

Rhedosaurus wrote:
I hate my father. There were times in my life where he really did act like one (1997-1999, 2002, and 2004-2007.) But other then those time periods, he never really was my father. He was always short tempered and always the first to punish me before I could get my side. During my elementary school days, he encouraged me to fight back against bullies, but when I to middle school, he changed. During 7th grade I did some typical dumb teenage stuff, but people took it the wrong way and hated me, framed me for things I never did. One time, I did nothing wrong and not only did I get a, ISS, (In school  suspension and then he beat me without hearing my side first. Then when I fought back against a bully in school, he spit on me without hearing my side. It wasn't until my mother yelled at him did he stop being so pre-accusitory toward me.

Now he's even worse. He uses racial slurs on a common basis, has his 'guilty until proven innocent' mindset put on steroids, and has basically become Archie Bunker x100. The way I see it, our relationship is a semi-parasitic one. If he can see people at the lowest common denominator, then I'm doing the same thing to him. To me, he's just a means to an end. Nothing more, nothing less. With that being said, if he were to die of a heart attack, get hit by a car, etc, or at the very least have his vocal cords damaged beyond all hope of surgical repair, then I would be a very happy man.

What's worse is that I plan to be an author, I have a book in progress right now, and I'm worried that his...behavior will affect it's success. What's worse is that he's making me work at the same lousy job (I mentioned it earlier on this page) 'until you find a better job. That's how it's done.' Sorry, but I can't mentally handle my shitty job anymore. Besides, if I quit my job now, then at least I have a path to some sort of future. With the job I have, I don't have ANY future.

The more I think about it, I have have never wanted/hated anybody else then the man who calls himself my father. The way I see it, other then a few short time periods here and there, he was never my dad, and I was never his son.

I hope you pardon this double post, but I needed to address this in a separate post.

Rhedo, I am really, gravely sorry that your father is not the dad you should have had. All things considered, I think you're a good friend, and one who has shown strength of character despite the sh*t that we deal with here or in other venues.

I can't say I can really say a thing that suggests I know how that feels. The best way I can describe my Dad is that... we're more alike than we both like to admit. Not just in appearance, but mannerisms and sensibilities. I consider myself very fortunate for that. But I hope you have found others in your life who you could call role models and shaped you into the person today. Its like Yonduu said in Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 2:

"He may be your father, but he ain't your Daddy."

And I know a few friends whose relatives did not consider their birth fathers their real dads. I know this isn't much, but I assure you that you need not feel abused or unwelcome here. I hope you're able to move on from that dead-end job and onto your real path of choice.
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PostSubject: Re: Blow Off Some Steam: Through the Portal   Mon Jun 05, 2017 6:40 pm

BarrytheOnyx wrote:
Rhedosaurus wrote:
I hate my father. There were times in my life where he really did act like one (1997-1999, 2002, and 2004-2007.) But other then those time periods, he never really was my father. He was always short tempered and always the first to punish me before I could get my side. During my elementary school days, he encouraged me to fight back against bullies, but when I to middle school, he changed. During 7th grade I did some typical dumb teenage stuff, but people took it the wrong way and hated me, framed me for things I never did. One time, I did nothing wrong and not only did I get a, ISS, (In school  suspension and then he beat me without hearing my side first. Then when I fought back against a bully in school, he spit on me without hearing my side. It wasn't until my mother yelled at him did he stop being so pre-accusitory toward me.

Now he's even worse. He uses racial slurs on a common basis, has his 'guilty until proven innocent' mindset put on steroids, and has basically become Archie Bunker x100. The way I see it, our relationship is a semi-parasitic one. If he can see people at the lowest common denominator, then I'm doing the same thing to him. To me, he's just a means to an end. Nothing more, nothing less. With that being said, if he were to die of a heart attack, get hit by a car, etc, or at the very least have his vocal cords damaged beyond all hope of surgical repair, then I would be a very happy man.

What's worse is that I plan to be an author, I have a book in progress right now, and I'm worried that his...behavior will affect it's success. What's worse is that he's making me work at the same lousy job (I mentioned it earlier on this page) 'until you find a better job. That's how it's done.' Sorry, but I can't mentally handle my shitty job anymore. Besides, if I quit my job now, then at least I have a path to some sort of future. With the job I have, I don't have ANY future.

The more I think about it, I have have never wanted/hated anybody else then the man who calls himself my father. The way I see it, other then a few short time periods here and there, he was never my dad, and I was never his son.

I hope you pardon this double post, but I needed to address this in a separate post.

Rhedo, I am really, gravely sorry that your father is not the dad you should have had. All things considered, I think you're a good friend, and one who has shown strength of character despite the sh*t that we deal with here or in other venues.

I can't say I can really say a thing that suggests I know how that feels. The best way I can describe my Dad is that... we're more alike than we both like to admit. Not just in appearance, but mannerisms and sensibilities. I consider myself very fortunate for that. But I hope you have found others in your life who you could call role models and shaped you into the person today. Its like Yondu said in Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 2:

"He may be your father, but he ain't your Daddy."

And I know a few friends whose relatives did not consider their birth fathers their real dads. I know this isn't much, but I assure you that you need not feel abused or unwelcome here. I hope you're able to move on from that dead-end job and onto your real path of choice.

Thanks. It's much appreciated. It's just that my dad is just so careless about anybody, that I just consider him only useful for what I want. Not only that, but my crappy job has been grinding on me for so long, that I feel that I'm slowly turning into a non-racist version of him. I.E. A grumpy attitude but without the racism. I do plan to quit my job soon so that should get the ball rolling in a good way.

As for your friend.
Spoiler:
 


Last edited by Rhedosaurus on Mon Jun 05, 2017 7:13 pm; edited 1 time in total
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PostSubject: Re: Blow Off Some Steam: Through the Portal   Mon Jun 05, 2017 7:06 pm

Rhedosaurus wrote:


Thanks. It's much appreciated. It's just that my dad is just so careless about anybody, that I just consider him only useful for what I want. Not only that, but my crappy job has been grinding on me for so long, that I feel that I'm slowly turning into a non-racist version of him. I.E. A grumpy attitude but without the racism. I do plan to quit my job soon so that should get the ball rolling in a good way.

As for your friend.
Spoiler:
 

Thank you for your thoughtful response, and for not thinking too harshly of me. I've had some time to think over what I said, and it was more fueled by a mix of negative emotions than I would have realistically allowed.

Spoiler:
 

Still, if your overall advice is "don't give up on her", then consider it done.
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PostSubject: Re: Blow Off Some Steam: Through the Portal   Mon Jun 05, 2017 7:35 pm

BarrytheOnyx wrote:
Rhedosaurus wrote:


Thanks. It's much appreciated. It's just that my dad is just so careless about anybody, that I just consider him only useful for what I want. Not only that, but my crappy job has been grinding on me for so long, that I feel that I'm slowly turning into a non-racist version of him. I.E. A grumpy attitude but without the racism. I do plan to quit my job soon so that should get the ball rolling in a good way.

As for your friend.
Spoiler:
 

Thank you for your thoughtful response, and for not thinking too harshly of me. I've had some time to think over what I said, and it was more fueled by a mix of negative emotions than I would have realistically allowed.

Spoiler:
 

Still, if your overall advice is "don't give up on her", then consider it done.

No prob. And I know what you mean by being fueled by negative emotions. I've always had somewhat of an anger management problem, even before all this. I'm really the opposite of that, but when I'm in a grouchy mood, I just become an angry, old, disgruntled, battle-scarred grizzly bear after waking up from hibernation.
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PostSubject: Re: Blow Off Some Steam: Through the Portal   Tue Jun 06, 2017 1:09 am

BarrytheOnyx wrote:
Rhedosaurus wrote:


Thanks. It's much appreciated. It's just that my dad is just so careless about anybody, that I just consider him only useful for what I want. Not only that, but my crappy job has been grinding on me for so long, that I feel that I'm slowly turning into a non-racist version of him. I.E. A grumpy attitude but without the racism. I do plan to quit my job soon so that should get the ball rolling in a good way.

As for your friend.
Spoiler:
 

Thank you for your thoughtful response, and for not thinking too harshly of me. I've had some time to think over what I said, and it was more fueled by a mix of negative emotions than I would have realistically allowed.

Spoiler:
 

Still, if your overall advice is "don't give up on her", then consider it done.

Barry you're a really good person! And I totally understand the religion thing. My love was cut off from me simply because I did not believe and I was heartbroken. Absolutely heartbroken and I don't know if I'll ever find someone like her. 

But it can definitely work. I know people it's worked for that have completely different political views and have come together for a an extremely positive change(my parents for example). I know obviously her politics might anger and scare you, but I often find that calm discourse between both parties can bring extreme understanding and compassion far more than people just sticking with "their own kind" so to speak. 

I get your fear but don't give up! If things don't work out atleast you know you will have tried your hardest.

Wow, I'm really terrible with words and comforting people as I read this message back. But I'll always try. My PM box is always open man. And I think Rhed is giving you good advice.

Much love to you!
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PostSubject: Re: Blow Off Some Steam: Through the Portal   Tue Jun 06, 2017 4:14 pm

Troyal1 wrote:
BarrytheOnyx wrote:
Rhedosaurus wrote:


Thanks. It's much appreciated. It's just that my dad is just so careless about anybody, that I just consider him only useful for what I want. Not only that, but my crappy job has been grinding on me for so long, that I feel that I'm slowly turning into a non-racist version of him. I.E. A grumpy attitude but without the racism. I do plan to quit my job soon so that should get the ball rolling in a good way.

As for your friend.
Spoiler:
 

Thank you for your thoughtful response, and for not thinking too harshly of me. I've had some time to think over what I said, and it was more fueled by a mix of negative emotions than I would have realistically allowed.

Spoiler:
 

Still, if your overall advice is "don't give up on her", then consider it done.

Barry you're a really good person! And I totally understand the religion thing. My love was cut off from me simply because I did not believe and I was heartbroken. Absolutely heartbroken and I don't know if I'll ever find someone like her. 

But it can definitely work. I know people it's worked for that have completely different political views and have come together for a an extremely positive change(my parents for example). I know obviously her politics might anger and scare you, but I often find that calm discourse between both parties can bring extreme understanding and compassion far more than people just sticking with "their own kind" so to speak. 

I get your fear but don't give up! If things don't work out atleast you know you will have tried your hardest.

Wow, I'm really terrible with words and comforting people as I read this message back. But I'll always try. My PM box is always open man. And I think Rhed is giving you good advice.

Much love to you!

Thank you for your kind words, Troyal.

After having some time to simmer down from my outburst and gaining some perspective on it, I'm grateful to both you and Rhedo for your advice and encouragement.

If a year form now I can say that I don't let fear and anger rule me or my decisions, than I would consider that a fine achievement.
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PostSubject: Re: Blow Off Some Steam: Through the Portal   Tue Jun 06, 2017 9:46 pm

I got really REALLY depressed last night. Did not sleep a wink  and cried most of the night. Does anyone else have crying spells that are random? I took a bunch of pills today to get high and I just don't know how to deal right now.
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PostSubject: Re: Blow Off Some Steam: Through the Portal   Tue Jun 06, 2017 10:49 pm

Wow. Today I got so angry. Still regret for not killing/beating the crap out of an useless piece of lowlife sh*t. Bastard tried to mess with my dad inside the car. I only remember shouting "f*ck off you son of a bitch" and throwing a lot of slurs. The piece of sh*t did nothing, of course. He wouldn't dare. Me and my dad would break him so bad, that piece of sh*t that isn't even worth to be used as pavement of streets. Lowlife scum. Ugh. So lucky I don't have a gun. Sometimes I imagine myself just killing those useless bastads. f*ck them. Useless, that's what they are. At least I'm going to be a scientist and help humanity.
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PostSubject: Re: Blow Off Some Steam: Through the Portal   Tue Jun 06, 2017 10:50 pm

Troyal1 wrote:
I got really REALLY depressed last night. Did not sleep a wink  and cried most of the night. Does anyone else have crying spells that are random? I took a bunch of pills today to get high and I just don't know how to deal right now.
Yep, sometimes I cry and have anxiety issues too, specially those last days.
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PostSubject: Re: Blow Off Some Steam: Through the Portal   Tue Jun 06, 2017 10:55 pm

Troyal1 wrote:
I got really REALLY depressed last night. Did not sleep a wink  and cried most of the night. Does anyone else have crying spells that are random? I took a bunch of pills today to get high and I just don't know how to deal right now.

Please stop with the pills. I've had 2 friends that died from drug overdose: One was back in 2009 after a fight with his girlfriend, and the other a few years ago. You might want to try self-hypnosis or something, but stop with the drugs man.
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PostSubject: Re: Blow Off Some Steam: Through the Portal   Thu Jun 08, 2017 1:47 am

I don't know how many of you remember him, but on the Pets thread I posted a picture of my dog, Taz. Well mere hours ago he passed away. He was only 2, just a little boy! It just hurts to think he had so much left in him, but he just fell ill so suddenly, and now he's gone... And I only feel worse knowing that my tortoise and my other dog Lillie will never understand that he's gone, no matter how many times I tell them. Rest in peace, Edward Tasmanian Navarro.
I would put this in the passings thread, but I feel like that's more for celebrities, idk

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PostSubject: Re: Blow Off Some Steam: Through the Portal   Thu Jun 08, 2017 1:56 am

Océane wrote:
I don't know how many of you remember him, but on the Pets thread I posted a picture of my dog, Taz. Well mere hours ago he passed away. He was only 2, just a little boy! It just hurts to think he had so much left in him, but he just fell ill so suddenly, and now he's gone... And I only feel worse knowing that my tortoise and my other dog Lillie will never understand that he's gone, no matter how many times I tell them. Rest in peace, Edward Tasmanian Navarro.
I would put this in the passings thread, but I feel like that's more for celebrities, idk

Damn im so sorry for your loss. It always sucks to lose a pet, it really does beyond belief.

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PostSubject: Re: Blow Off Some Steam: Through the Portal   Thu Jun 08, 2017 2:22 am

Thank you, it means a lot. I also want to share a bit of a story. When I first got Taz 2 years ago, I was humming the Jurassic Park theme to him while he fell asleep. While I was petting him for the last time tonight, I hummed the melody once more.

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PostSubject: Re: Blow Off Some Steam: Through the Portal   Thu Jun 08, 2017 5:30 am

Océane wrote:
I don't know how many of you remember him, but on the Pets thread I posted a picture of my dog, Taz. Well mere hours ago he passed away. He was only 2, just a little boy! It just hurts to think he had so much left in him, but he just fell ill so suddenly, and now he's gone... And I only feel worse knowing that my tortoise and my other dog Lillie will never understand that he's gone, no matter how many times I tell them. Rest in peace, Edward Tasmanian Navarro.
I would put this in the passings thread, but I feel like that's more for celebrities, idk

Eh, I once stuck a post about the death of a tortoise (a relatively famous one, but a tortoise still) in the old site's thread so I'd imagine it's alright.

Anyways, that's pretty disheartening news. Losing a pet is never especially easy, even when they do live through their golden years and pass on gracefully (I know I'm saying this as someone who's never owned anything bigger than a goldfish but whatever, fish are amazing too). At least he got all the love and compassion he could've hoped for in the two short years you were together, I'm certain.
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PostSubject: Re: Blow Off Some Steam: Through the Portal   Thu Jun 08, 2017 2:20 pm

Science needs better journalism coverage.
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PostSubject: Re: Blow Off Some Steam: Through the Portal   Thu Jun 08, 2017 2:29 pm

CT-1138 wrote:
Science needs better journalism coverage.
This.


Also, I'm so sorry for you loss. I have a 14 year old dog and I don't want to think about when he's going to die.
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PostSubject: Re: Blow Off Some Steam: Through the Portal   Sun Jun 18, 2017 6:27 pm

Tyrant Lizard wrote:
Somebody's been giving me negative rep.

I will find you Evil or Very Mad

This just happened to me as well. I wasn't here yesterday because I couldn't get online and when I got here, my rep went from 33 down to 25.

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PostSubject: Re: Blow Off Some Steam: Through the Portal   Tue Jun 20, 2017 1:07 am

Océane wrote:
I don't know how many of you remember him, but on the Pets thread I posted a picture of my dog, Taz. Well mere hours ago he passed away. He was only 2, just a little boy! It just hurts to think he had so much left in him, but he just fell ill so suddenly, and now he's gone... And I only feel worse knowing that my tortoise and my other dog Lillie will never understand that he's gone, no matter how many times I tell them. Rest in peace, Edward Tasmanian Navarro.
I would put this in the passings thread, but I feel like that's more for celebrities, idk
My most heartfelt condolences. I lost a dog once, and it sucked. When you adopt these animals into your household, their less like pets and more like members of the family. The unfortunate thing is, a dog or cat tends to live a lot shorter than a human, so you don't get to share as much time with them.
I hope your little puppy's passing was painless and peaceful. I pray that God will be with you and your family during this hard time.
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PostSubject: Re: Blow Off Some Steam: Through the Portal   Tue Jun 20, 2017 11:19 pm

[quote="TheRexMan22"]
Océane wrote:

My most heartfelt condolences. I lost a dog once, and it sucked. When you adopt these animals into your household, their less like pets and more like members of the family. The unfortunate thing is, a dog or cat tends to live a lot shorter than a human, so you don't get to share as much time with them.
I hope your little puppy's passing was painless and peaceful. I pray that God will be with you and your family during this hard time.
Thank you, it really means a lot.

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PostSubject: Re: Blow Off Some Steam: Through the Portal   Sat Jun 24, 2017 12:03 am

I wish I could communicate with other people without thinking terrible things about myself. It seems the more people I communicate with the worse it gets. I've been taking antidepressants for a few months now and I'm slowly getting my life in order after three years of life crippling depression, but the medication only improves how I react my thoughts. Right now my head feels like they're so full of them that I want to break down.

If I chat with people for too long, I feel that I'm annoying that person. With my friends I feel I'm being too pushy or come off as too desperate or being an asshole. I feel like I'm constantly accidentally insulting people, offending everyone with me existing. I feel that I'm annoying the people I talk to, even though they swear they like me and am their friend, and I begin to get paranoid that their lying to me out of pity. These people who I'm suppose to be friends with I can't even trust because of my own stupid paranoia.

I was hanging out with friends yesterday, and I think that's what triggered it. I have a good time with people and afterwards my mind just has to believe that I couldn't have had a good time. But even though I'm being told my thoughts are false and I inside know their false, I can't help but keep thinking about them and the possibility that they are in fact true.

EDIT:

That, ladies and gentlemen, is what a panic attack looks like in writing. I was able to calm down through talking to my friends.
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PostSubject: Re: Blow Off Some Steam: Through the Portal   Sun Jun 25, 2017 9:02 pm

This week was the week from hell at work. I work at a toy store and part of my job is being in the backroom bringing out all the product that may or may not be on the floor and well...it can be tedious, especially if you're hit all at once. Not to mention my supervisor was on vacation and the store manager that came in a few months back is a delegater. Also if he calls you over the walkie and you're not up front fast enough, he calls you every 30 seconds. He's a good dude, but that crap irritates the holy hell out of me. That being said, I had to work with just him for 3 days this week and my god...he literally drove me up a wall. There was a point where I had to tell him that he and the girls up front had to give me a chance to bring the product up because A. I had to literally dig something out because the backroom was a mess and B. he was calling over the intercom every 5 seconds because I wasnt there and the walkies were acting up. Not to mention we're understaffed at the moment and I essentially have 40 things on my plate every time Im running the back so it can get stressing.

What really killed my mood is losing out on a promotion for a department supervisor position I had applied for back in January. A friend of mine was retiring at the end of the year last year and flat out told me that she had wanted me to take her spot because she wanted someone who knew what they were doing to run it, and I know the section of the store that she had. This is where I feel like myself and a few others in my store got literally screwed over. We had to do re-interviews for that spot this past week with the current store manager (who came from another store) and decision day was yesterday. Well...that decision turned out to be a chick from the store that he used to work at, and he and that store manager are like best friends. So I feel like I got screwed because he picked someone his best friend recommended, and I've decided I'm not gonna bust my ass like I've been doing for the past 6 months because of it. I did meet the girl who got promoted today and well, she doesnt seem like the most cheerful. I guess it's because she's in a new store and doesnt really know anyone, but the people that are there now all get along and crack jokes and what not with each other. I have a feeling she wont last.


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PostSubject: Re: Blow Off Some Steam: Through the Portal   Sun Jun 25, 2017 10:18 pm

Welp. Learned another thing about being obsessed with fandom again. And reminded of 'my place'. All right. If thats how it is, then I'll just sit on the sidelines watching this movie like a general public member and being like 'meh' in my approach to things.

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PostSubject: Re: Blow Off Some Steam: Through the Portal   Mon Jun 26, 2017 11:31 am

Sickle_Claw wrote:
Welp. Learned another thing about being obsessed with fandom again. And reminded of 'my place'. All right. If thats how it is, then I'll just sit on the sidelines watching this movie like a general public member and being like 'meh' in my approach to things.

What happened?

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PostSubject: Re: Blow Off Some Steam: Through the Portal   Mon Jun 26, 2017 5:12 pm

TheDreamMaster wrote:
Sickle_Claw wrote:
Welp. Learned another thing about being obsessed with fandom again. And reminded of 'my place'. All right. If thats how it is, then I'll just sit on the sidelines watching this movie like a general public member and being like 'meh' in my approach to things.

What happened?

Let me guess... You got dragged into a flame war JPL-the bad ol' days style on some other site/social media outlet like Reddit, didn't you?
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PostSubject: Re: Blow Off Some Steam: Through the Portal   Mon Jun 26, 2017 5:21 pm

Rhedosaurus wrote:
TheDreamMaster wrote:
Sickle_Claw wrote:
Welp. Learned another thing about being obsessed with fandom again. And reminded of 'my place'. All right. If thats how it is, then I'll just sit on the sidelines watching this movie like a general public member and being like 'meh' in my approach to things.

What happened?

Let me guess... You got dragged into a flame war JPL-the bad ol' days style on some other site/social media outlet like Reddit, didn't you?

Nope

What happened was I found info about the teaser possibly being at Comic con. Made an article on scified. Two days later it gets debunked.

Like seriously considering quitting news stuff entirely.

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PostSubject: Re: Blow Off Some Steam: Through the Portal   Thu Jul 06, 2017 9:13 pm

So as some you who have checked the Passings thread know, my Grandma passed last week. It's been hard for the whole family, however it's been really hard on my cousin who is ten years older than me, because he's also been suddenly dropped into basically a divorce and his wife no longer wants anything to do with him or their kid.

I got to spend my July 4th, just after shooting off some fireworks, helping my aunt track him down and get the police because he was threatening to jump off a bridge. We found him and he was stopped but it was one of the scarier experiences of my life. I'm hoping he can get help, because I know a lot of problems and hurt has been dumped on him at once and he feels like it's too much. I'm mostly just blowing off steam because it was another stressful event piling on top of my stress and sadness from last week.

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PostSubject: Re: Blow Off Some Steam: Through the Portal   Mon Jul 10, 2017 7:57 pm

All I gotta say is f*ck dating. I had two identical profiles. One of my real pictures and one with fakes. And of course the one with fakes got blown up with messages. One girl(who wasn't even attractive) asked my real profile if I'd like to go to the movies. But then she asked for another pic. She said my weight was a bit of an issue (I have baby fat) and that she's only attracted to really lean guys.

Seriously... I don't understand how girls who aren't even attractive seem to have this entitlement attitude that only guys who are extremely good looking are acceptable. I know people in general would rather have a "really hot" partner but come on, how can you look like that and be picky? 

At this point I wish I was born gay or asexual as plenty of guys hit me up and apparently I'm not good enough for even 1/10 girls on the physical attractiveness scale. Maybe I'm just an abomination like the indominus Rex Sad
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PostSubject: Re: Blow Off Some Steam: Through the Portal   Mon Jul 10, 2017 8:00 pm

Troyal1 wrote:
All I gotta say is f*ck dating. I had two identical profiles. One of my real pictures and one with fakes. And of course the one with fakes got blown up with messages. One girl(who wasn't even attractive) asked my real profile if I'd like to go to the movies. But then she asked for another pic. She said my weight was a bit of an issue (I have baby fat) and that she's only attracted to really lean guys.

Seriously... I don't understand how girls who aren't even attractive seem to have this entitlement attitude that only guys who are extremely good looking are acceptable. I know people in general would rather have a "really hot" partner but come on, how can you look like that and be picky? 

At this point I wish I was born gay or asexual as plenty of guys hit me up and apparently I'm not good enough for even 1/10 girls on the physical attractiveness scale. Maybe I'm just an abomination like the indominus Rex Sad

Ehh, I'd stay away from dating sites. They're generally pretty awful.
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PostSubject: Re: Blow Off Some Steam: Through the Portal   Mon Jul 10, 2017 9:39 pm

Tyrant Lizard wrote:
Troyal1 wrote:
All I gotta say is f*ck dating. I had two identical profiles. One of my real pictures and one with fakes. And of course the one with fakes got blown up with messages. One girl(who wasn't even attractive) asked my real profile if I'd like to go to the movies. But then she asked for another pic. She said my weight was a bit of an issue (I have baby fat) and that she's only attracted to really lean guys.

Seriously... I don't understand how girls who aren't even attractive seem to have this entitlement attitude that only guys who are extremely good looking are acceptable. I know people in general would rather have a "really hot" partner but come on, how can you look like that and be picky? 

At this point I wish I was born gay or asexual as plenty of guys hit me up and apparently I'm not good enough for even 1/10 girls on the physical attractiveness scale. Maybe I'm just an abomination like the indominus Rex Sad

Ehh, I'd stay away from dating sites. They're generally pretty awful.

Yeah im kind of iffy...Ive even done the thing on Tinder where you swipe blindly to the right for your 100 swipes a day and still get no matches with my best pics. (Im pretty okay looking)

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PostSubject: Re: Blow Off Some Steam: Through the Portal   Mon Jul 10, 2017 9:53 pm

Sickle_Claw wrote:
Tyrant Lizard wrote:
Troyal1 wrote:
All I gotta say is f*ck dating. I had two identical profiles. One of my real pictures and one with fakes. And of course the one with fakes got blown up with messages. One girl(who wasn't even attractive) asked my real profile if I'd like to go to the movies. But then she asked for another pic. She said my weight was a bit of an issue (I have baby fat) and that she's only attracted to really lean guys.

Seriously... I don't understand how girls who aren't even attractive seem to have this entitlement attitude that only guys who are extremely good looking are acceptable. I know people in general would rather have a "really hot" partner but come on, how can you look like that and be picky? 

At this point I wish I was born gay or asexual as plenty of guys hit me up and apparently I'm not good enough for even 1/10 girls on the physical attractiveness scale. Maybe I'm just an abomination like the indominus Rex Sad

Ehh, I'd stay away from dating sites. They're generally pretty awful.

Yeah im kind of iffy...Ive even done the thing on Tinder where you swipe blindly to the right for your 100 swipes a day and still get no matches with my best pics. (Im pretty okay looking)
^^^ this. I feel like dating in this world(especially online) was made for super models as of late.
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PostSubject: Re: Blow Off Some Steam: Through the Portal   Mon Jul 10, 2017 10:00 pm

Troyal1 wrote:
Sickle_Claw wrote:
Tyrant Lizard wrote:
Troyal1 wrote:
All I gotta say is f*ck dating. I had two identical profiles. One of my real pictures and one with fakes. And of course the one with fakes got blown up with messages. One girl(who wasn't even attractive) asked my real profile if I'd like to go to the movies. But then she asked for another pic. She said my weight was a bit of an issue (I have baby fat) and that she's only attracted to really lean guys.

Seriously... I don't understand how girls who aren't even attractive seem to have this entitlement attitude that only guys who are extremely good looking are acceptable. I know people in general would rather have a "really hot" partner but come on, how can you look like that and be picky? 

At this point I wish I was born gay or asexual as plenty of guys hit me up and apparently I'm not good enough for even 1/10 girls on the physical attractiveness scale. Maybe I'm just an abomination like the indominus Rex Sad

Ehh, I'd stay away from dating sites. They're generally pretty awful.

Yeah im kind of iffy...Ive even done the thing on Tinder where you swipe blindly to the right for your 100 swipes a day and still get no matches with my best pics. (Im pretty okay looking)
^^^ this. I feel like dating in this world(especially online) was made for super models as of late.

Some of you guys like Spino4.4 OR Troyal who follow me on twitter know what I look like IRL and know that I look pretty average. Which theoretically should equal at least some interest. But it seems that everyone is looking for at least an 8 and above.. Yeah. Even when the rare moments where someone likes me back on a dating site I check back later after sending a message only to find out it says they are 'online' and its been a few hours since I sent it?

I mean I get it. Attractive women literally have hundreds of guys sending them messages every day. Even average women do. My only hope i feel sometimes is to just be normal in the real world and hope to god I dont accidentally bungle interactions with people.

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PostSubject: Re: Blow Off Some Steam: Through the Portal   Mon Jul 10, 2017 10:39 pm

Sickle_Claw wrote:
Troyal1 wrote:
Sickle_Claw wrote:
Tyrant Lizard wrote:
Troyal1 wrote:
All I gotta say is f*ck dating. I had two identical profiles. One of my real pictures and one with fakes. And of course the one with fakes got blown up with messages. One girl(who wasn't even attractive) asked my real profile if I'd like to go to the movies. But then she asked for another pic. She said my weight was a bit of an issue (I have baby fat) and that she's only attracted to really lean guys.

Seriously... I don't understand how girls who aren't even attractive seem to have this entitlement attitude that only guys who are extremely good looking are acceptable. I know people in general would rather have a "really hot" partner but come on, how can you look like that and be picky? 

At this point I wish I was born gay or asexual as plenty of guys hit me up and apparently I'm not good enough for even 1/10 girls on the physical attractiveness scale. Maybe I'm just an abomination like the indominus Rex Sad

Ehh, I'd stay away from dating sites. They're generally pretty awful.

Yeah im kind of iffy...Ive even done the thing on Tinder where you swipe blindly to the right for your 100 swipes a day and still get no matches with my best pics. (Im pretty okay looking)
^^^ this. I feel like dating in this world(especially online) was made for super models as of late.

Some of you guys like Spino4.4 OR Troyal who follow me on twitter know what I look like IRL and know that I look pretty average. Which theoretically should equal at least some interest. But it seems that everyone is looking for at least an 8 and above.. Yeah. Even when the rare moments where someone likes me back on a dating site I check back later after sending a message only to find out it says they are 'online' and its been a few hours since I sent it?

I mean I get it. Attractive women literally have hundreds of guys sending them messages every day. Even average women do. My only hope i feel sometimes is to just be normal in the real world and hope to god I dont accidentally bungle interactions with people.

Incidentally, you're a good looking dude I approve!
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PostSubject: Re: Blow Off Some Steam: Through the Portal   Mon Jul 10, 2017 10:57 pm

Tyrant Lizard wrote:
Sickle_Claw wrote:
Troyal1 wrote:
Sickle_Claw wrote:
Tyrant Lizard wrote:
Troyal1 wrote:
All I gotta say is f*ck dating. I had two identical profiles. One of my real pictures and one with fakes. And of course the one with fakes got blown up with messages. One girl(who wasn't even attractive) asked my real profile if I'd like to go to the movies. But then she asked for another pic. She said my weight was a bit of an issue (I have baby fat) and that she's only attracted to really lean guys.

Seriously... I don't understand how girls who aren't even attractive seem to have this entitlement attitude that only guys who are extremely good looking are acceptable. I know people in general would rather have a "really hot" partner but come on, how can you look like that and be picky? 

At this point I wish I was born gay or asexual as plenty of guys hit me up and apparently I'm not good enough for even 1/10 girls on the physical attractiveness scale. Maybe I'm just an abomination like the indominus Rex Sad

Ehh, I'd stay away from dating sites. They're generally pretty awful.

Yeah im kind of iffy...Ive even done the thing on Tinder where you swipe blindly to the right for your 100 swipes a day and still get no matches with my best pics. (Im pretty okay looking)
^^^ this. I feel like dating in this world(especially online) was made for super models as of late.

Some of you guys like Spino4.4 OR Troyal who follow me on twitter know what I look like IRL and know that I look pretty average. Which theoretically should equal at least some interest. But it seems that everyone is looking for at least an 8 and above.. Yeah. Even when the rare moments where someone likes me back on a dating site I check back later after sending a message only to find out it says they are 'online' and its been a few hours since I sent it?

I mean I get it. Attractive women literally have hundreds of guys sending them messages every day. Even average women do. My only hope i feel sometimes is to just be normal in the real world and hope to god I dont accidentally bungle interactions with people.

Incidentally, you're a good looking dude I approve!

Thanks man. Yeah I start my new master's program at a new university in the Fall, so Im hoping that with this (I'll be there at least 3 years) I will have some more chances to meet new people in the Graduate program there. (I'll be like 30 when I graduate from that with my second master's degree)

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PostSubject: Re: Blow Off Some Steam: Through the Portal   Mon Jul 10, 2017 11:13 pm

Tyrant Lizard wrote:
Sickle_Claw wrote:
Troyal1 wrote:
Sickle_Claw wrote:
Tyrant Lizard wrote:
Troyal1 wrote:
All I gotta say is f*ck dating. I had two identical profiles. One of my real pictures and one with fakes. And of course the one with fakes got blown up with messages. One girl(who wasn't even attractive) asked my real profile if I'd like to go to the movies. But then she asked for another pic. She said my weight was a bit of an issue (I have baby fat) and that she's only attracted to really lean guys.

Seriously... I don't understand how girls who aren't even attractive seem to have this entitlement attitude that only guys who are extremely good looking are acceptable. I know people in general would rather have a "really hot" partner but come on, how can you look like that and be picky? 

At this point I wish I was born gay or asexual as plenty of guys hit me up and apparently I'm not good enough for even 1/10 girls on the physical attractiveness scale. Maybe I'm just an abomination like the indominus Rex Sad

Ehh, I'd stay away from dating sites. They're generally pretty awful.

Yeah im kind of iffy...Ive even done the thing on Tinder where you swipe blindly to the right for your 100 swipes a day and still get no matches with my best pics. (Im pretty okay looking)
^^^ this. I feel like dating in this world(especially online) was made for super models as of late.

Some of you guys like Spino4.4 OR Troyal who follow me on twitter know what I look like IRL and know that I look pretty average. Which theoretically should equal at least some interest. But it seems that everyone is looking for at least an 8 and above.. Yeah. Even when the rare moments where someone likes me back on a dating site I check back later after sending a message only to find out it says they are 'online' and its been a few hours since I sent it?

I mean I get it. Attractive women literally have hundreds of guys sending them messages every day. Even average women do. My only hope i feel sometimes is to just be normal in the real world and hope to god I dont accidentally bungle interactions with people.

Incidentally, you're a good looking dude I approve!
 
I agree. Most people on this forum are pretty good looking from what I've seen(besides me). 

We are amazing. Just the world that sucks :p

But yeah sickle I hope you meet someone nice at college man.
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PostSubject: Re: Blow Off Some Steam: Through the Portal   Mon Jul 10, 2017 11:36 pm

I wish I could help but this feels so "other universe" to me. I never really cared about wanting a girlfriend or felt atracted by anyone. I just find sexual relationships and stuff futile.  Neutral
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PostSubject: Re: Blow Off Some Steam: Through the Portal   Tue Jul 11, 2017 2:39 am

Troyal1 wrote:
Tyrant Lizard wrote:
Sickle_Claw wrote:
Troyal1 wrote:
Sickle_Claw wrote:
Tyrant Lizard wrote:
Troyal1 wrote:
All I gotta say is f*ck dating. I had two identical profiles. One of my real pictures and one with fakes. And of course the one with fakes got blown up with messages. One girl(who wasn't even attractive) asked my real profile if I'd like to go to the movies. But then she asked for another pic. She said my weight was a bit of an issue (I have baby fat) and that she's only attracted to really lean guys.

Seriously... I don't understand how girls who aren't even attractive seem to have this entitlement attitude that only guys who are extremely good looking are acceptable. I know people in general would rather have a "really hot" partner but come on, how can you look like that and be picky? 

At this point I wish I was born gay or asexual as plenty of guys hit me up and apparently I'm not good enough for even 1/10 girls on the physical attractiveness scale. Maybe I'm just an abomination like the indominus Rex Sad

Ehh, I'd stay away from dating sites. They're generally pretty awful.

Yeah im kind of iffy...Ive even done the thing on Tinder where you swipe blindly to the right for your 100 swipes a day and still get no matches with my best pics. (Im pretty okay looking)
^^^ this. I feel like dating in this world(especially online) was made for super models as of late.

Some of you guys like Spino4.4 OR Troyal who follow me on twitter know what I look like IRL and know that I look pretty average. Which theoretically should equal at least some interest. But it seems that everyone is looking for at least an 8 and above.. Yeah. Even when the rare moments where someone likes me back on a dating site I check back later after sending a message only to find out it says they are 'online' and its been a few hours since I sent it?

I mean I get it. Attractive women literally have hundreds of guys sending them messages every day. Even average women do. My only hope i feel sometimes is to just be normal in the real world and hope to god I dont accidentally bungle interactions with people.

Incidentally, you're a good looking dude I approve!
 
I agree. Most people on this forum are pretty good looking from what I've seen(besides me). 

We are amazing. Just the world that sucks :p

But yeah sickle I hope you meet someone nice at college man.

Thanks man, means a lot. Also I am doing exercise regimen as well by trying to do walking every morning for 3 miles or so. Hopefully trying to make 10 miles walking of exercise a week. And yeah, basically trying to make sure I have everything organized and all that.

And dont worry Spino4.4, relationships aren't everything and not everyone desires the same thing so dont feel bad for not wanting one.

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PostSubject: Re: Blow Off Some Steam: Through the Portal   Sat Jul 15, 2017 7:29 pm

Troyal1 wrote:
All I gotta say is f*ck dating. I had two identical profiles. One of my real pictures and one with fakes. And of course the one with fakes got blown up with messages. One girl(who wasn't even attractive) asked my real profile if I'd like to go to the movies. But then she asked for another pic. She said my weight was a bit of an issue (I have baby fat) and that she's only attracted to really lean guys.

Seriously... I don't understand how girls who aren't even attractive seem to have this entitlement attitude that only guys who are extremely good looking are acceptable. I know people in general would rather have a "really hot" partner but come on, how can you look like that and be picky? 

At this point I wish I was born gay or asexual as plenty of guys hit me up and apparently I'm not good enough for even 1/10 girls on the physical attractiveness scale. Maybe I'm just an abomination like the indominus Rex Sad
I'm a very fat dude with nothing more than a high school education, no job, and who lives with his parents, but I get responses occasionally. It's not common, and due to my financial situation and my mental issues I have to actually turn down meeting these people (I shouldn't go to dating sites in the first place because I know I can't date anyone but it's a great feeling to know that if I could escape my NEET-habits then I might actually be able to find love). Point is, if I can get women to talk to me then I'm pretty sure you can too.

I heavily, heavily suggest that you try to fix yourself though first. You need to find more respect for women, because rating them on a scale from 1 to 10 and believing that a woman should go for a guy like you because you think she's ugly is in my opinion a very toxic way to think. If you care about looks, then it shouldn't surprise you that they do too.

And fixing yourself goes beyond that too. Just in general explore life any way you can, get out of your comfort zone, and you'll eventually find yourself in situations where you can meet people. You, like me, are probably an introvert, so that can be hard and god knows it's hard for me, but you're not gonna meet anyone by hanging out in your room all day, you know?
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PostSubject: Re: Blow Off Some Steam: Through the Portal   Sat Jul 15, 2017 9:15 pm

I mean, I belive guys and girls care about looks. Both care. Both want and seeks the most attractive IMO.

It's human nature to do that.
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PostSubject: Re: Blow Off Some Steam: Through the Portal   Sat Jul 15, 2017 10:27 pm

evolution_rex wrote:
Troyal1 wrote:
All I gotta say is f*ck dating. I had two identical profiles. One of my real pictures and one with fakes. And of course the one with fakes got blown up with messages. One girl(who wasn't even attractive) asked my real profile if I'd like to go to the movies. But then she asked for another pic. She said my weight was a bit of an issue (I have baby fat) and that she's only attracted to really lean guys.

Seriously... I don't understand how girls who aren't even attractive seem to have this entitlement attitude that only guys who are extremely good looking are acceptable. I know people in general would rather have a "really hot" partner but come on, how can you look like that and be picky? 

At this point I wish I was born gay or asexual as plenty of guys hit me up and apparently I'm not good enough for even 1/10 girls on the physical attractiveness scale. Maybe I'm just an abomination like the indominus Rex Sad
I'm a very fat dude with nothing more than a high school education, no job, and who lives with his parents, but I get responses occasionally. It's not common, and due to my financial situation and my mental issues I have to actually turn down meeting these people (I shouldn't go to dating sites in the first place because I know I can't date anyone but it's a great feeling to know that if I could escape my NEET-habits then I might actually be able to find love). Point is, if I can get women to talk to me then I'm pretty sure you can too.

I heavily, heavily suggest that you try to fix yourself though first. You need to find more respect for women, because rating them on a scale from 1 to 10 and believing that a woman should go for a guy like you because you think she's ugly is in my opinion a very toxic way to think. If you care about looks, then it shouldn't surprise you that they do too.

And fixing yourself goes beyond that too. Just in general explore life any way you can, get out of your comfort zone, and you'll eventually find yourself in situations where you can meet people. You, like me, are probably an introvert, so that can be hard and god knows it's hard for me, but you're not gonna meet anyone by hanging out in your room all day, you know?

1. Bro I totally don't want you think I'm only judging women based on looks, and you're right that I'm not entitled to any responses from anyone. It's just that I get so frustrated that I'm not even going after physically attractive women and yet these same women will reply to me with a fake picture (good looking). Do you see what I mean? I'm the same person....  Just a different picture. The expectations are so high. And please don't think I'm sexist I know so many men who do the same thing. It's the blow off stream thread and sometimes rash things are said when upset. I definitely don't think I deserve responses from women and I realize women are a lot more than just looks.  

2. I'm very sorry about your situation. Much of what you say actually strikes a huge cord with me. You should PM me sometime as I was 18 and ready to go to college when I got bad health problems. Live with my parents and I'm 23. And I totally relate to the feeling of wanting a GF but at the same time having absolutely no idea if I'd even be able to take care of one. I'm in the hospital a lot, can't work etc. I'm trying to fix myself but it's hard.

One thing I will never be able to fix is having mild autism which impacts social skills. Sure I can get better with that too, but I will never be "normal" if that make sense.

That's why I'm so frustrated. Everyone in life (real life friends) is pulling ahead of me and having kids and it's like I'm watching from a bubble. I feel trapped and unable to prusue things because in many ways I physically can't. 

But if I ever can get past these health problems I plan to give it all I got, go for my dream career and hopefully I'll meet someone special. Thanks for your response.
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PostSubject: Re: Blow Off Some Steam: Through the Portal   Sun Jul 16, 2017 12:02 am

I feel like I'm weirdly on both sides of you guys problems. I also only have a high school diploma. I've struggled with weight problems all my life and am very fat. Yet I also am on my own, and have a wife and kids. As a younger guy I struggled too with relationships and such, and trust me, things get better as you get older. Troya, at 23 you are hitting that general area where women start looking at more, trust me, despite being in a long term relationship, I started seeing more women looking at me despite some outward appearances (I don't find myself ugly, but through school I found many were just turned off by my weight problems.) I'm still trying to find something to help me manage said weight problems, with now even though it's not caused any extra problems or diseases, I know I'm pretty high risk for a lot of things at the drop of a hat.

If you guys ever need to talk, feel free to PM me. I'm a good listener if anything.

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PostSubject: Re: Blow Off Some Steam: Through the Portal   Sun Jul 16, 2017 1:03 am

Incidentally, I've pretty much given up on being proactive when it comes to relationships. If something comes along, great. If not, oh well. I enjoy my privacy anyways.
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PostSubject: Re: Blow Off Some Steam: Through the Portal   Sun Jul 16, 2017 1:40 am

Troyal1 wrote:
evolution_rex wrote:
Troyal1 wrote:
All I gotta say is f*ck dating. I had two identical profiles. One of my real pictures and one with fakes. And of course the one with fakes got blown up with messages. One girl(who wasn't even attractive) asked my real profile if I'd like to go to the movies. But then she asked for another pic. She said my weight was a bit of an issue (I have baby fat) and that she's only attracted to really lean guys.

Seriously... I don't understand how girls who aren't even attractive seem to have this entitlement attitude that only guys who are extremely good looking are acceptable. I know people in general would rather have a "really hot" partner but come on, how can you look like that and be picky? 

At this point I wish I was born gay or asexual as plenty of guys hit me up and apparently I'm not good enough for even 1/10 girls on the physical attractiveness scale. Maybe I'm just an abomination like the indominus Rex Sad
I'm a very fat dude with nothing more than a high school education, no job, and who lives with his parents, but I get responses occasionally. It's not common, and due to my financial situation and my mental issues I have to actually turn down meeting these people (I shouldn't go to dating sites in the first place because I know I can't date anyone but it's a great feeling to know that if I could escape my NEET-habits then I might actually be able to find love). Point is, if I can get women to talk to me then I'm pretty sure you can too.

I heavily, heavily suggest that you try to fix yourself though first. You need to find more respect for women, because rating them on a scale from 1 to 10 and believing that a woman should go for a guy like you because you think she's ugly is in my opinion a very toxic way to think. If you care about looks, then it shouldn't surprise you that they do too.

And fixing yourself goes beyond that too. Just in general explore life any way you can, get out of your comfort zone, and you'll eventually find yourself in situations where you can meet people. You, like me, are probably an introvert, so that can be hard and god knows it's hard for me, but you're not gonna meet anyone by hanging out in your room all day, you know?

1. Bro I totally don't want you think I'm only judging women based on looks, and you're right that I'm not entitled to any responses from anyone. It's just that I get so frustrated that I'm not even going after physically attractive women and yet these same women will reply to me with a fake picture (good looking). Do you see what I mean? I'm the same person....  Just a different picture. The expectations are so high. And please don't think I'm sexist I know so many men who do the same thing. It's the blow off stream thread and sometimes rash things are said when upset. I definitely don't think I deserve responses from women and I realize women are a lot more than just looks.  

2. I'm very sorry about your situation. Much of what you say actually strikes a huge cord with me. You should PM me sometime as I was 18 and ready to go to college when I got bad health problems. Live with my parents and I'm 23. And I totally relate to the feeling of wanting a GF but at the same time having absolutely no idea if I'd even be able to take care of one. I'm in the hospital a lot, can't work etc. I'm trying to fix myself but it's hard.

One thing I will never be able to fix is having mild autism which impacts social skills. Sure I can get better with that too, but I will never be "normal" if that make sense.

That's why I'm so frustrated. Everyone in life (real life friends) is pulling ahead of me and having kids and it's like I'm watching from a bubble. I feel trapped and unable to prusue things because in many ways I physically can't. 

But if I ever can get past these health problems I plan to give it all I got, go for my dream career and hopefully I'll meet someone special. Thanks for your response.

Yeah its kind of where Im at where I'm like 27 and still feel like I'm barely 20...yeah also kind of feeling like Im still trying to find a balance. Yeah it could be worse. Im living with my parents at 27, and my second master's degree basically says that I'll graduate in 2030. So I'll be living with my parents until Im 30. Sad At least I'll have 2 master's degrees? But with not that much work experience (believe me Im doing my best to try to get a part time job at my new university)

But yeah I get the feeling of like realizing Leagues exist. And that Im sometimes not happy at my appearance when I look in the mirror. I wish I could lose just a bit more weight. Like I'm 'average' but I feel that like thats not good enough. Like Ive tried exercising, but that doesnt get rid of it...next week Im doing a mini vacation (comic con) and I'm going to start a diet after that. Thinking about at least trying to get myself slimmed down a bit more so maybe I can hit that 'sweet spot' or whatever people are looking for in ok cupid/tinder/bumble/whatever. It kind of hurts too that my sister has been in a relationship for a year so far and I cant help but be jealous of her success although I am supportive and want her to be happy.

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PostSubject: Re: Blow Off Some Steam: Through the Portal   Sun Jul 16, 2017 11:00 am

Sickle Claw, I've seen what you look like on your facebook. You don't need to lose any weight. Maybe gain some muscle, but that's about it.

Since the beginning of 2017 I've been slowly improving myself in ways I can. It started with telling my parents that not only was I depressed but that I'd suffered from extreme anxiety since I was a kid, then it was seeking therapy, then antidepressants, and today is my first day volunteering at an animal shelter. I'm volunteering not only to get me out of the house but to get me prepared for getting to work, which I sincerely hope I end up doing soon.

In general my outlook on life has changed a lot. I've been hanging around with my friends more often, and if I'm not hanging out with them then I'm messaging someone on facebook. I've been a lot more cheesier lately, peeling away a lot of my past ironic cynicism that I used to cover up my depression with genuine honesty and love for others around me. I refuse to call anyone ugly anymore, to say mean things to anyone for the sake of being mean, etc. I'm far, far from being where I want to be, but for the first time in three years I'm making progress toward something.

I say all this because I think a lot of us nerdy weirdos are in the same boat of depression even if we don't know it, and I think everyone here should focus on making themselves happy. And I don't mean the small mild sense of comfort you get by playing games all day or watching Jurassic Park on TV, I mean really, genuinely happy with yourself. And, on the side, I think you'll find that that happiness is infectious and people will want to be around you.

At least, I hope. It seems to be going that way for me. I don't have it all figured out, I'm learning as I go.

but since we're on the topic of dating, I guess I'm gonna have to talk about this:

In high school, I had one girlfriend and it lasted two weeks. Shortly after that, though, a girl messaged me on facebook and we hit it off. But, she was too good looking, just way too out of my league, and her personality was completely different. Yet we loved talking to one another. But I was a cringey kid, and I just thought that if we were to hang out in real life, we wouldn't like each other. So at first I made up the lie that I didn't want to hang out because I'd just broken up with someone, but we ended up to where we ignored each other in real life and would text each other constantly.

The problem was, she dated a lot of guys. A lot. It ended up being a situation where she dated guys, and on the side we'd message each other saying we love each other and would, you know, text naughty things. It was weird. Eventually I couldn't handle being the texting mistress and I broke it off, but we were essentially on and off talking throughout high school. At one point she was dating a guy way too old for her and I got in contact with her father and told him about it, which I did entirely out of spite, and she got angry and we didn't talk to each other for a long time.

Fast forward to last year, I get a message from her on facebook and after she breaks up with her boyfriend. We talk for a couple weeks, but she unfriends me as soon as she gets back together with her boyfriend. Fast forward to about a month ago, and I get a friend request on facebook and I message her this time, and we've been talking since.

She knows I'm getting a thing for her, I've told her, and I've told I want to hang out in person. She knows I have mental issues, I'm depressed, and that I have no job, but I don't think she actually grasps it. We haven't really done anything yet, aka 'sexting' as you'd call it, but she continues to message me even knowing that I have a thing for her (and, by the way, this isn't a one-way conversation. Sometimes I'm the first to message, sometimes she is) and there are times where I feel she wants me to say something romantic or something and sometimes I do but I don't want to misread signals. She also sends me a lot of pictures of herself, not sexual or anything, just pictures (which with the rise of snapchat and instagram sending pictures doesn't always mean anything)

I'm worried that she's going to get with a guy and I won't hear from her for another year. I asked her not to, I told her that it'd be messed up, and she said she wouldn't, but I don't really know. She told me at one point she was talking to a guy, but recently said that they were no longer talking. I've seen her talk weirdly to her ex on facebook, which she's told me that she's absolutely never getting back together with him because she says he tried to hit her, but I think something is up because you don't remain friends with someone like that. So, basically I don't trust her.

One of my friends has described her as "nasty" and my brother thinks she's using me for attention when she's not getting any from other guys, and I think they may be right. But when she messages me, it's the highlight of my day. And she seems genuinely happy to message me too. I don't know how to react, what to do, or what I'm suppose to think of her. I'd like to remain friends at least.
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PostSubject: Re: Blow Off Some Steam: Through the Portal   Sun Jul 16, 2017 1:21 pm

Thanks Evo, means a lot. I mean it and makes me feel somewhat better. I have been trying to lift some weights. I lifted weights all week before a fishing trip a few days ago and it seems to have worked despite visible muscle not appearing. I mean, I caught a 10-15 fish (this was ocean fishing) pretty easily. Previous years my arms would be all tired by the fight... so yeah I think if I keep at it I can do it.

Anyway yeah I sympathize Evo. I had this friend who was a cute girl a few years ago. We had a course together and worked in the college archaeology lab together. I talked to her sometimes and to my surprise she seemed to want to talk to me. Now naturally being socially awkward I was taken aback and I of course did my research and didnt see a boyfriend in her Facebook. So I thought to myself...okay, but didnt make a move. Instead I thought I'd 'work up to it' as in just act normal. So one day I am at the lab, boss is gone, we start talking, I work up the nerve to go talk to her....I was going to go ask her if she wanted to go out for Coffee or something like that.

Right as I try to get the words out, the door to the lab...there is a knock and she says 'I'll go get that'. Anyway long story short, this other guy comes in, and she says "Matt, I want you to meet my boyfriend." I was like "....HI, nice to meet you." I shook his hand and then went over to sit on the other side claiming i had to get back to work, but feeling very much like an idiot. Anyway, shortly after, she changed her fb pics/header to a pic of them kissing, etc.... and yeah I saw him come into the lab more and more.

Anyway we still kind of talked but it was always kind of me just still in a bit of shock. Because I had convinced myself then that she had no boyfriend before that moment. That this guy just suddenly came into existence when he knocked on the door (I dont know how to explain it) Anyway there was a weird vibe and i tried to say 'okay i'll just be friends with her' and one day she told a joke and I guess I just reacted weirdly, like I laughed but then her face...it was like she knew or something even though I never said anything.

I didnt see her much after that except for like 6 months later or so when she came back into the lab once briefly. She didn't even look at me as she passed me by, and walked out without saying anything either. I then saw on her fb she went to hawaii with her boyfriend by themselves. I put the pieces together obviously then that they had got a hotel room together.

Haven't talked to her since then. It was just like i don't know. Like its something i should have gotten over but honestly I dont know . Maybe it was bc she shared my passion for archaeology or bc she was a cute girl that actually liked to talk with me...yeah. I know. She probably had the boyfriend long before i knew and she owes me nothing.

But still. I wonder sometimes ...that Im afraid I blew at the very least a friendship over that bc I let my disappointment about the BF take over my mind. Meh. I wonder if its stupid I'm still worrying about this 2 years later. Im not throwing a pity party, just wondering to myself like why I let it bother me.

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