Blow Off Some Steam: Through the Portal

Hey man please don't stress. Everyone is passionate about opinion is all. You're not a freak. Your a fan of a franchise. If you want to feel that way about the direction of it all, that's okay. You're entitled to your opinion. You are always welcome here. Please don't leave us or more importantly have those kind of thoughts. If you want to discuss it all via PM let me know. I am here for you. Opinions are what people are passionate about. It shows people you care. I think it just got a little unsettled in the other thread. I am sure it was meant to appear the way it did. If you want to talk man please PM.

Part of me just feels so messed up. I dont know why. It's just this undying anxiety keeping me awake and it's quite shitty. Part of me is longing for before, for the past, but it can't be recreated. Childhood is over. Carefree life is over. I feel like I'm perpetually stuck in the soul eating cycle of doing the strong woman thing and focusing on my career. But it feels like nothing is left. Love would be nice. That's just scary though.

I feel like I have unaddressed holes. Just things and feelings buried a ways down that I had chose to ignore. Part of me wonders why everyone can't just get along, too, but I know it's never that simple. Someone is always stuck on a belief they had or an event that occurred for moving on or reconciliation to take place.

Trusting people is hard. It's too hard. I don't much like anyone. People have tried to reconnect with me and I've been cold and distant. And skeptical. And that sucks. Because knowing someone cares can be nice. But do they really?

I guess that's just life. I don't know what else to say other than humanity being kind would be a nice change. I'm only writing this out of undying 2 AM anxiety.

I'd like it to leave. Some people just want a hug.

CaptainNoodles wrote:

Part of me just feels so messed up.  I dont know why. It's just this undying anxiety keeping me awake and it's quite shitty.  Part of me is longing for before, for the past, but it can't be recreated.  Childhood is over.  Carefree life is over. I feel like I'm perpetually stuck in the soul eating cycle of doing the strong woman thing and focusing on my career.  But it feels like nothing is left.  Love would be nice.  That's just scary though.

I feel like I have unaddressed holes.  Just things and feelings buried a ways down that I had chose to ignore.  Part of me wonders why everyone can't just get along, too, but I know it's never that simple.  Someone is always stuck on a belief they had or an event that occurred for moving on or reconciliation to take place.  

Trusting people is hard.  It's too hard. I don't much like anyone.  People have tried to reconnect with me and I've been cold and distant. And skeptical.  And that sucks.  Because knowing someone cares can be nice. But do they really?

I guess that's just life.  I don't know what else to say other than humanity being kind would be a nice change.   I'm only writing this out of undying 2 AM anxiety.  

I'd like it to leave.  Some people just want a hug.

I'd give you a hug if I could right now.

Wouldn't that be nice. 

Still feeling down.  thank you.

Hello. If there is anyone to hear me here. Or read. Just read. I need to confess something.

I think I'm an horrible person. No, for real. I fucked up. I fucked up with one person I consider a friend. I offended this person, I hurted this person. Yeah, that person is a human. HUMAN. Something I don't think I deserve to be called. I just feel horrible and ashamed, because I hurted a person I care about. When I meet someone, open to this person and make friendship, I care about the person. I feel for the person. And when I hurt a friend, it makes me hurt too. I feel horrible, like the worst human scum possible. I am hurt too. I hate to see people get upset and sad by what I did. And this time, this person unfollowed me, because I just crossed the line. I didn't mean to offend, but I'm just so retarded to write and express myself while talking to a person, in the heat of the moment I didn't even see what I was writing. I just wanted to interact so badly bc I'm not that social person and I don't talk most of the day, even with my parents. I hold everything to myself. And it's been that for ages, since I was a kid. I had no friends, I didn't talk or interact with people and when I did I never had the pleasure to express myself and talk about things I liked, to meet someone. So yeah I have this problem in writing/talking, I can't put on words sometimes what I feel, and I get so anxious to talk and express my opinions or what I feel that I start writing on CAPS LOCK flooding like a crazy guy, something like "NO IT'S NOT LIKE THAT IT'S THIS JUST LOOK OVER", I sometimes do that to drive attention so I can interact with. I was selfish by doing that, bc I didn't even see that I harmed that person. Actually I harmed 2 people. 2 People I CARE about. 2 people that I consider my friends. I called them haters, and one of them heretic. I foccused more talking about one person because I think I offended that person more (I called both heretic and hater). But yeah, I offended both, so this just makes me feel even more horrible. I just got crazy on the moment and wrote so much bullshit and couldn't even talk straight, it was like my mind was right ahead like "OMG I NEED TO TALK INTERACT WITH MY FRIENDS I NEED TO TELL THEM I LIKE THIS MOVIE THAT THEY HATE" and well, it turned out to a mess. It's my fault. I am the problem. Now I see that. Now I see maybe why people never wanted to interact with me when I was younger. Maybe I was just so annoying and crazy to express myself that everyone were like "ewww he's so annoying". Now I see I am the problem. I got diagnosticated with anxiety disorder when I was a teen, but I didn't follow on taking medicine and stuff. Now I think anxiety is not only my problem. By no means this is an excuse for me to act like an asshole, but I need to see, discover what my problem is. I need to fix this. I'm just turning people, my friends, away from me. And this is hurting not only them, but myself too. I need to seek help. And I will. If I don't seek help this will get worse and I'm almost giving up and following the other solution: suicide. I'm also having rage attacks EVERY MONTH. It just comes out of nowhere. And coicidence or not, those rage attacks happen right before I get crazy to interact with someone or too anxious. Like I get really angry, angry with everything that crosses my eyesight, and then what I do? Isolate myself on the PC to avoid exploding with this anger.

I need to find help. I need to discover and fix what's wrong with me. Because I am the problem. I do think that this has to do with the fact that, again as I said, I didn't interact too much with people, I couldn't express myself because no one talked with me, they mostly ignored me and called me names (annoying was one of the names) and I grew more quiet over and over, until I found those friends, and I could finally say I have friends, even if I never met them personally.


This day is horrible, I'm crying now as I write this and one of my friends (this case a dog), died today and I can't belive it. So what it was a bad day just got worse. I'm losing friends I can't loose. They're what makes me smile in this fucked up mind I have.

Anyway, if you're reading this, please, I am trully sorry for what I did, for what I said. I'll NEVER do this again, NEVER. I know I hurted you, and I feel ashamed and hurt by that. I admit when I'm wrong, and I know I'm wrong here, that I fucked up, and that I need help because I have a problem, and I need to fix it, being suicide the cure or not.

Thank you if you read this, thanks to anyone who reads this. I needed to put my feelings out. I need to be myself.

Don't worry so much, I understand you are upset, but everyone has flaws, and I think we need to just accept it. (Of course, seeking help is always a good step, don't get me wrong) You know, life happens. Things are going to happen, that you may not like; remember what Masrani said, "The key to a happy life is to accept that you are never actually in control."

If what I just said was ludicrous and didn't help at all, well, I ain't no psychologist.

I really hate how Thanksgiving is no longer a real holiday. It used to be so pure when people got together with families. Now, it's just turned into a normal old shopping day where people can get stuff for whatever off. A sign of a civilization in decay is when they put money and material items over tradition and customs.

To be fair, while all these retail stores are to blame for starting it, a lot also be blamed on all of these greedy lazy people who also put materialism over tradition."Gimme, gimme, gimme. I want this. I want that."

I really think that we need a law that makes Thanksgiving a federal holiday. No stores open. Come to think of it, if it hasn't happened with Christmas, we need to do the same thing with that holiday too before corporate greed and consumerist lack of caring destroys it too.

Rhedosaurus wrote:

I really hate how Thanksgiving is no longer a real holiday. It used to be so pure when people got together with families. Now, it's just turned into a normal old shopping day where people can get stuff for whatever off. A sign of a civilization in decay is when they put money and material items over tradition and customs.

To be fair, while all these retail stores are to blame for starting it, a lot also be blamed on all of these greedy lazy people who also put materialism over tradition."Gimme, gimme, gimme. I want this. I want that."

I really think that we need a law that makes Thanksgiving a federal holiday. No stores open. Come to think of it, if it hasn't happened with Christmas, we need to do the same thing with that holiday too before corporate greed and consumerist lack of caring destroys it too.

Seems like a major problem in lots of respects though. Thanksgiving gets passed over for Christmas. Christmas still has a lot of power, but it also seems to have declined a bit in the previous years as some move more away from religion. (I don't know the statistics on those who celebrate Hannukah or Kwanzaa). Halloween, even in the worst days of opposition from religions, used to be a huge thing, but now either people don't care, or a majority are the overprotective parents who despite how things were done for years, are too afraid to just walk around neighborhoods and opt for the safety of cars in a parking lot. I can't really say much for the rest, as Valentines has always been a corporate kind of holiday, Easter I've never felt was big enough for me to notice it's decline or not, and I don't go to church so I can't compare.

For the worse, no matter what the reasons, it seems like people are just less concerned with traditions and family, and more for themselves. IT does feel sad to me, as I still got to grow up with a lot of this. I'll forever maintain Halloween as my favorite holiday, but these last couple years it seems like it's being observed less and less.

Number of views on the stuff I write is down. I'm sick of these dry spells. This one has been going on forever. I feel like the last person on a sinking boat, trying desperately to bail out water while everyone leaves me or attacks me when I try to save the ship. I thought I could trust my fellow sailors, but it didn't take much for me to be left in the wreckage.

TheDreamMaster wrote:

Rhedosaurus wrote:

I really hate how Thanksgiving is no longer a real holiday. It used to be so pure when people got together with families. Now, it's just turned into a normal old shopping day where people can get stuff for whatever off. A sign of a civilization in decay is when they put money and material items over tradition and customs.

To be fair, while all these retail stores are to blame for starting it, a lot also be blamed on all of these greedy lazy people who also put materialism over tradition."Gimme, gimme, gimme. I want this. I want that."

I really think that we need a law that makes Thanksgiving a federal holiday. No stores open. Come to think of it, if it hasn't happened with Christmas, we need to do the same thing with that holiday too before corporate greed and consumerist lack of caring destroys it too.

Seems like a major problem in lots of respects though. Thanksgiving gets passed over for Christmas. Christmas still has a lot of power, but it also seems to have declined a bit in the previous years as some move more away from religion. (I don't know the statistics on those who celebrate Hannukah or Kwanzaa). Halloween, even in the worst days of opposition from religions, used to be a huge thing, but now either people don't care, or a majority are the overprotective parents who despite how things were done for years, are too afraid to just walk around neighborhoods and opt for the safety of cars in a parking lot. I can't really say much for the rest, as Valentines has always been a corporate kind of holiday, Easter I've never felt was big enough for me to notice it's decline or not, and I don't go to church so I can't compare.

For the worse, no matter what the reasons, it seems like people are just less concerned with traditions and family, and more for themselves. IT does feel sad to me, as I still got to grow up with a lot of this. I'll forever maintain Halloween as my favorite holiday, but these last couple years it seems like it's being observed less and less.      

With Christmas, it's oversaturation. In the middle of October, my store had Christmas stuff out even though Halloween was 20 days away. Yes, people have moved away from religion, and in fairness, some of the reasons are legitimate. Halloween, as I mentioned above, has been a victim of Christmas being overstaturated, but all of the reasons that you mentioned are also legitimate. I haven't worked on Easter so I can't compare either, but it's safe to say that it's basically like Thanksgiving to a certain degree. As for Valentine's, I just consider it a day that people have as an excuse to have sex, which has been my mindset since high school.

I'm working on Thanksgiving (I'm at lunch as I'm typing these words) and I have nothing but disgust, sadness, and remorse for the past. I've believed for some time that a society that values money, greed/gluttony, selfishness, and everything else above tradition and customs is a society in decline. It really is depressing.

Lord Kristine wrote:

Number of views on the stuff I write is down. I'm sick of these dry spells. This one has been going on forever. I feel like the last person on a sinking boat, trying desperately to bail out water while everyone leaves me or attacks me when I try to save the ship. I thought I could trust my fellow sailors, but it didn't take much for me to be left in the wreckage.

That's a shame. Maybe try advertisting in more places

Lord Kristine wrote:

Number of views on the stuff I write is down. I'm sick of these dry spells. This one has been going on forever. I feel like the last person on a sinking boat, trying desperately to bail out water while everyone leaves me or attacks me when I try to save the ship. I thought I could trust my fellow sailors, but it didn't take much for me to be left in the wreckage.

Awe, that's sucky. On the bright side, I just revisited your page last night and have been catching up on lost time. Naturally it's all very well done and entertaining. You're still doing a great job.

Thanks, guys. I'm secretly worried I'm losing my touch.

Lord Kristine wrote:

Thanks, guys. I'm secretly worried I'm losing my touch.

If you really need some reassurance, yesterday morning I came across your Halloween fic. It delivered all the old vibes I've come to associate with your work. If you're struggling, I can't tell. Then again, your satisfaction is of the upmost importance, so I sincerely hope that you find you're touch again if you have indeed lost it.

TheRexMan22 wrote:

Lord Kristine wrote:

Thanks, guys. I'm secretly worried I'm losing my touch.

If you really need some reassurance, yesterday morning I came across your Halloween fic. It delivered all the old vibes I've come to associate with your work. If you're struggling, I can't tell. Then again, your satisfaction is of the upmost importance, so I sincerely hope that you find you're touch again if you have indeed lost it.

It might also be that I feel a lack of reviews = diminishing quality. That, or people have moved on.

Today I almost cried, because I'm fed up of the system in this country on this crappy planet earth. Because things are so hard nowadays and I can't see a future for myself that doesn't involve me working like a dog at a job that I hate for the next sixty years of my life. Like my father. Honestly I'm so tired of it -- so tired of hearing how ungrateful, manipulative, greedy, and undesired the leaders of our world are. I don't wanna live here. And by here I don't just mean in this country or region, by 'here' I mean earth. The alternative is moving someplace so remote or so secluded that I'll never have to worry about the affairs of mankind again. I don't wanna die. There is so much I have planned and so much that I want to do and so much that I want to love, but I can't see that happening here! I'm not gonna kill myself. But if God decided that today was the day I go to live in peace and prosperity for the rest of eternity, never having to worry about a thing again, I'd gladly go. But I don't want to die yet. I'm just so young. I haven't kissed anyone before or tasted beer or known what it's like to love someone with all my heart and have them love me back, or flown on an airplane or visited a foreign country or prepared a big meal on my own, or driven a car, or held my baby in my arms, or told someone else about Christ!
I wanna grow up but I don't wanna do it here.

People who hate movies like Suicide Squad, Ghostbusters '16, and most other major films need to lower their standards. Try watching old sci-fi films, you'll learn to appreciate everything you watch.

RaptorLover0823 wrote:

People who hate movies like Suicide Squad, Ghostbusters '16, and most other major films need to lower their standards. Try watching old sci-fi films, you'll learn to appreciate everything you watch.

Media standards have risen more than a little bit in the sixty-odd years since the days of Forbidden Planet and The Thing from Another World.

Different times, different expectations.

Theta Rex wrote:

Media standards have risen more than a little bit in the sixty-odd years since the days of Forbidden Planet and The Thing from Another World.

Different times, different expectations.

I understand that, but calling these major films bad seems just... unappreciative, for the lack of a better word.

Dog is sick since weekend. Did blood exams, called the vet, she came here on our house and checked him over.

Today I got the results of the exams, he has nothing serious and the vet suspects Niky (my dog) came in contact with something here on our house that made him ill. I find this strange bc we don't have poisonous plants or poisonous stuff. I suspect he ate something, some animal that made him ill. We don't have poisonous animals here too. Max spiders but I NEVER saw a poisonous spider myself here.

I'm worried someone must tried to poison him, but I think it's not the case since the vet didn't even say that possibility. I swear I would kill the bastard that did this. Yeah, I don't care if I go to jail, you don't mess with my dogs you piece of sh*t, neither my parents. They are my life, they are life, and I would do anything to protect them. Someone that does harm to animals isn't a human being. It's just an useless piece of sh*t.
 
So yeah, don't mess with them thinking you will get away with it.

Sorry the double post. Updating the news. Dog still sick. Looks like he got a stomach bug. I had to left him yesterday on the hospital. He's there getting meds and stuff. He was throwing up everything, even the meds, wasn't drinking or eating and had blood on his poop. 

It was one of the hardest things I have done, to leave him there in a small cage, he looked at me and I wanted so bad to hug him and run away with him. I know it is for his best, but it hurts a lot. I almost cried there. My eyes were so waterly.  But yeah, I'm doing all of my power and money to keep him well, safe. I know I'm doing the best I can to help him. And I trust the vets there.

Today I was hoping he would get better, but hey, he's still throwing up, even with the meds running on his veins. WTF? I'm so worried. What a shitty little bacteria (if it's the case). And to make things worse, I have to travel to a farm tomorrow bc family wants to make Xtmas there. f*ck Xtmas, f*ck the food and the gifts. I want my dog well, that's all I want. Yep, I'll travel but my heart will stay, I can't think anything else.

TheRexMan22 wrote:

Today I almost cried, because I'm fed up of the system in this country on this crappy planet earth. Because things are so hard nowadays and I can't see a future for myself that doesn't involve me working like a dog at a job that I hate for the next sixty years of my life. Like my father. Honestly I'm so tired of it -- so tired of hearing how ungrateful, manipulative, greedy, and undesired the leaders of our world are. I don't wanna live here. And by here I don't just mean in this country or region, by 'here' I mean earth. The alternative is moving someplace so remote or so secluded that I'll never have to worry about the affairs of mankind again. I don't wanna die. There is so much I have planned and so much that I want to do and so much that I want to love, but I can't see that happening here! I'm not gonna kill myself. But if God decided that today was the day I go to live in peace and prosperity for the rest of eternity, never having to worry about a thing again, I'd gladly go. But I don't want to die yet. I'm just so young. I haven't kissed anyone before or tasted beer or known what it's like to love someone with all my heart and have them love me back, or flown on an airplane or visited a foreign country or prepared a big meal on my own, or driven a car, or held my baby in my arms, or told someone else about Christ!
I wanna grow up but I don't wanna do it here.

Yeah, I know how you feel, I was feeling this way a few years ago. You just gotta try to stay as positive as possible, and try to avoid the bad things that you can. I got over it, and hopefully you can too



Now, time for me to vent. I'm a sophomore in high school and I just hate the ppl around me. I feel like the opposite of my parents (I like new stuff, they're old fashioned, I like rock and pop music, they like country etc) and it's hard for me to find anyone my age that I actually like.

And when I meet someone I do like, I have trouble breaking this barrier to hang out outside school, because I  can't think of anything to do with them outside of school. I'm scared to give anyone my number because I so rarely meet anyone I like, and everyone uses social media rather than texting as main contact now. I'm socially awkward, but the problems below I have just add to it, and it's not like one problem I need to get rid of, it's layers of problems.

Having overprotective parents doesn't help either, I'm not allowed to have any social media, I'm not allowed to play any video games other people play. Heck, I don't even care for most M rated games, I think GTA is messed up and the only M game I'm interested in playing right now is Battlefield 1 and I probably won't be able to get it. I know this doesn't affect much, but I just tell ppl I don't play video games now, because then they ask what games I have and I have to explain how my mom is overprotective and won't let me play any popular games, I'm gonna be 16 and I feel more mature than half the ppl my age, and I still can't play these games.

Same with social media, except not everyone plays video games, EVERYONE has social media it seems. I know I'm not alone, but it's so hard to find other people in this situation. It's doing more harm than good for me, and isolating me from my age group which I would still feel isolated in even if I was allowed these things. I'm just sick of it, and then she asks why I have like 2 friends. I'm scared to tell my parents anything now because of this, it's making a toxic mindset where I don't even want to tell my parents anything.

I know this won't matter in the future, but I just don't know if I can happily go through the next 2 years like this. I have no social life already because I only hang out with 2 ppl outside of school, I can barely build one because nobody else has my interests, and for the ppl I do like, I can't seem to hang out with them outside of school. I'm sick of feeling like an alien in my own school. Is allowing me to play popular games and have social media gonna fix everything? No, but it could at least make me less alienated and give me some conversation topics with people my age. I'm not sure what to do at this point, I feel so caged in.

Will be turning 27 tomorrow, and it's depressing as ever. My best (only) friend will be 30 in April and she's even more let down by it but obviously passing number like that is bit bigger deal than 27. Neither of us feels like goals we were supposed to complete have been reached, though at least in her case she's arguably only behind/stuck in one area of life whereas I'm in the middle of nowhere. Also 2016 was the crappiest year of my life so not particularly looking forward to 2017.

My granny (she was 87) passed away today. Me and my whole family are grieving heavily.

This is has been the most difficult time for me in a long time.

So I'm 23 tomorrow on the 23rd..... and I can't help but feel depressed.... anyone else get depressed on their birthday? It's just another year of me reminded that I'm another year lonely and single. Another year with health issues and another year with no life.

Troyal1 wrote:

So I'm 23 tomorrow on the 23rd..... and I can't help but feel depressed.... anyone else get depressed on their birthday? It's just another year of me reminded that I'm another year lonely and single. Another year with health issues and another year with no life.

Before anything else. Happy early birthday.

All I can say is to cheer up. At least this year won't suck as much as it did last year.

Rhedosaurus wrote:

Troyal1 wrote:

So I'm 23 tomorrow on the 23rd..... and I can't help but feel depressed.... anyone else get depressed on their birthday? It's just another year of me reminded that I'm another year lonely and single. Another year with health issues and another year with no life.

Before anything else. Happy early birthday.

All I can say is to cheer up. At least this year won't suck as much as it did last year.

For me its already worse than 2016 tbh. Atleast in terms of my life and family.

Also thanks for the birthday wishes man.

No prob.

And the year is still young. There is plenty of time for you to make it enjoyable. I know you got health problems, but even then, that's no reason why you can't find the good things in life. Read, play video games, surf online, sit in the shade of a tree once the weather gets good.

Besides, at least you still have this site to come back to.

Rhedosaurus wrote:

No prob.

And the year is still young. There is plenty of time for you to make it enjoyable. I know you got health problems, but even then, that's no reason why you can't find the good things in life. Read, play video games, surf online, sit in the shade of a tree once the weather gets good.

Besides, at least you still have this site to come back to.

Yes I still have you guys. And I'll be forever greatful for that

I'm not sure what I'm allowed to say legally.... but there is something very big and very bad happening in my family. Not health wise. And it's bad enough to where I can't say it because of lawyers if that makes sense. All that coupled with losing my fav movie site ever and my health has left me heartbroken. And just broken in general.

I thank you for the amazing support tho my friend. I really do love our small and supportive community here. I hope it lasts forever.

I'm not so much venting but here to breath a sigh of relief. Its been a long time but putting the past away with someone can really make for a good day. There is a sense of closure and in knowing the truth about some things that is just a huge burden removed from your shoulders.

I'd like to to say to anyone feeling down about the past with someone, dont give up on trying to fix it. No matter how much time has passed, you'll feel better if you can just clear the air.