Blow Off Some Steam: Through the Portal

Another hashtag calling for the murder of people like me is going around. It never gets easier to be threatened like this.

Lord Kristine wrote:

Another hashtag calling for the murder of people like me is going around. It never gets easier to be threatened like this.

So I don’t suppprt anything calling for the death of anyone, that is absolutely repulsive. What do you mean by “people like you” though?

TheDreamMaster wrote:

Lord Kristine wrote:

Another hashtag calling for the murder of people like me is going around. It never gets easier to be threatened like this.

So I don’t suppprt anything calling for the death of anyone, that is absolutely repulsive. What do you mean by “people like you” though?

I'm autistic. The most recent hashtag is calling for the extermination of people like me. It's usually subtle, like people saying that they "like the people, not the autism", which is kind of like saying "I like the people, not the gayness/blackness/etc", but every once in a while, they let their true message slip out. I've had to deal with antivaxxers, martyr parents, and generally hateful people telling me that I should be "put out of my misery", like I'm a sick dog instead of a human being who deserves life. It's hard to deal with, sometimes.

Jesus, I’m really sorry to hear that. I don’t know how anyone could be so awful (ok, that’s not true, I’ve seen a lot of hate in this world), but people are people. I still see a lot of racism in my area of the US, and I just don’t know what it’ll take for some people to just accept those for who they are.

I envy the people who don't have to explain why they deserve to live.

While I don’t have the same issues, I can at least relate that I am fat. Yes, it is something I can change, and I am working on it, but I’ve gotten pretty heavy, and been the subject of some pretty hurtful ridicule. There used to be a Fat People Hate subreddit, and while I thankfully never found my way there, I’m very aware of how much people wanted me to die, to stop wasting space, to stop blocking their vision with my ugliness. It sucks, so while I can’t fully relate, I do know what you’re going through.

I’m sorry you got so much hate. You don’t deserve that.

Troyal1 wrote:

Dead2009 wrote:

I know this isnt the platform to post kinda super personal shit on here, but with the mental state im in right now, i need to. My best friend is a female. I have been best friends with this woman for 13 years or so. We also work together which is pretty fun, but at the same time, it hasnt been. Over the past few weeks, our wonderful co-workers have been telling her I have feelings for her, and while it would be awesome to be with your best friend, this is just not the case. When it happened a few weeks ago, I managed to fix it and I told her, if this were earlier in our lives, then yeah maybe, but now? Nothing is there. I gave her some space the past few days and asked if she was upset with me because she hadnt been replying to me texting her, and thats when she said people are telling her this still, on top of me saying i dislike her husband. All of this is 100% false. So now, I'm going through the notion of potentially losing my best friend, who's been there for me most of my life and is like the sister I never had, because people are running their fucking mouths. I almost burst into tears earlier because I never went through this with her. This fucking sucks.

Oh my god that’s terrible! Why are your co workers choosing to do this?

I dont know, it's a game to them I guess. I told a co worker yesterday that knew nothing about it that I plan on leaving before the year is up, because this is just going to keep coming up and I dont have the heart for it.

TheDreamMaster wrote:

Dead2009 wrote:

I know this isnt the platform to post kinda super personal shit on here, but with the mental state im in right now, i need to. My best friend is a female. I have been best friends with this woman for 13 years or so. We also work together which is pretty fun, but at the same time, it hasnt been. Over the past few weeks, our wonderful co-workers have been telling her I have feelings for her, and while it would be awesome to be with your best friend, this is just not the case. When it happened a few weeks ago, I managed to fix it and I told her, if this were earlier in our lives, then yeah maybe, but now? Nothing is there. I gave her some space the past few days and asked if she was upset with me because she hadnt been replying to me texting her, and thats when she said people are telling her this still, on top of me saying i dislike her husband. All of this is 100% false. So now, I'm going through the notion of potentially losing my best friend, who's been there for me most of my life and is like the sister I never had, because people are running their fucking mouths. I almost burst into tears earlier because I never went through this with her. This fucking sucks.

Damn man, I'm so sorry. If you ever feel you need to talk, send me a PM. We can talk there or get on an instant messenger or something.  

Thanks dude, I'll keep that in mind

Lord Kristine wrote:

I’m sorry you got so much hate. You don’t deserve that.

And you don't deserve the hate you are getting either.

TheDreamMaster wrote:

Lord Kristine wrote:

I’m sorry you got so much hate. You don’t deserve that.

And you don't deserve the hate you are getting either.

Thank you. That really means a lot to me.

I'm finally going to quit my job. It's going to be tomorrow or sometime next month, but I'm going to do it. I just can;t handle all the greed, sloth, stupidity, immorality, corporate ineptitude, and every other negative force that store puts into me. Working there isn't worth all the mental toxic I have to deal with.

Lord Kristine wrote:

Another hashtag calling for the murder of people like me is going around. It never gets easier to be threatened like this.

unbelievable. I have only been in one situation in my life where my life was threatened and it was one of the worst experiences of my life so I find myself in the rare situation where i can relate to what someone else is going through. Probably doesn't mean much but I'll be praying for your safety and wellbeing as well as all those who fall under the spectrum. <3

Rhedosaur, sounds like a good idea mate. Cut that negativity out of your life.

An update on my situation with my best friend at work. Still no conversation as she wants space which I've agreed to give to her, but the coworkers are starting to troll me with this rumor now and I'm stuck inbetween a rock and a hard place because if I acknowledge it, they're going to keep it going....but if I ignore it like it's not happening then it'll give them even more fuel to stoke that flame. Either way, I'm hoping the next few weeks turns out to have a happy ending cause this shit is killing me when I'm home.

I'm pissed that I'm not getting a job. I just moved, and I need the money. But nobody's hiring where I am.

Dead2009 wrote:

An update on my situation with my best friend at work. Still no conversation as she wants space which I've agreed to give to her, but the coworkers are starting to troll me with this rumor now and I'm stuck inbetween a rock and a hard place because if I acknowledge it, they're going to keep it going....but if I ignore it like it's not happening then it'll give them even more fuel to stoke that flame. Either way, I'm hoping the next few weeks turns out to have a happy ending cause this shit is killing me when I'm home.

Do you work with ten year olds? Seriously what the hell is wrong with some people?

Don't know, but now this rumor has hit outside of work friends. I just want to disappear

I got told to kill myself today, and I didn't even disagree with the sentiment.

Lord Kristine wrote:

I got told to kill myself today, and I didn't even disagree with the sentiment.

Don’t even consider that. I know it’s probably way harder since you have a condition, but do not give in to the hate. Not only will it solve nothing and take away a good person from the people who do care about you, it’s another victory for the assholes.

Lord Kristine wrote:

I got told to kill myself today, and I didn't even disagree with the sentiment.

what does that person know? nothing. don't listen to them. you are special and wonderful and cherished no matter what anyone might say otherwise.

I'm suicidal again. It's getting harder and harder to hold on.

10 radiation treatments in, 20 to go. I was setup to receive 30 altogether, each about 5 times a week. So far the only things I've noticed is that the scratchy throat thing comes up more than anything. Outside of that I am perpetually tired, which was expected and I've been noticing a little bit of nausea here and there. It's not the "dizzy" type of nausea, it's the upset stomach/butterflies in the stomach kind of nausea. I slept it mostly off this weekend and talked to the doctor yesterday about it. It's not as bad as I thought it would be, one of the pluses is that while I had some trouble eating due to the growth entering into my neck, I'm finally not choking on things like Pop tarts when I eat them and my delayed reaction swallowing food after chewing it has gotten significantly better.

Lord Kristine wrote:

I'm suicidal again. It's getting harder and harder to hold on.

I know you despise me, but you need to get in to see a qualified mental health professional ASAP or a crisis center of some kind. I don't know how it works where you are but please find a crisis number, call them, and get the help you need. Coming here and saying things while they may make you feel better isn't getting the help you require fully. People that are on the forum are ill-equipped and lack the training. You need some kind of in-patient care and therapy.

TyrannosaurTJ wrote:

10 radiation treatments in, 20 to go. I was setup to receive 30 altogether, each about 5 times a week. So far the only things I've noticed is that the scratchy throat thing comes up more than anything. Outside of that I am perpetually tired, which was expected and I've been noticing a little bit of nausea here and there. It's not the "dizzy" type of nausea, it's the upset stomach/butterflies in the stomach kind of nausea. I slept it mostly off this weekend and talked to the doctor yesterday about it. It's not as bad as I thought it would be, one of the pluses is that while I had some trouble eating due to the growth entering into my neck, I'm finally not choking on things like Pop tarts when I eat them and my delayed reaction swallowing food after chewing it has gotten significantly better.

It seems to me as though you're keeping in pretty good spirits through this whole thing, which, although I'm obviously ignorant to what you're going through, I imagine is at least part of the battle. You have my well wishes, man. Hope all goes well.

Lord Kristine wrote:

I'm suicidal again. It's getting harder and harder to hold on.

As Ty said, this board isn't really going to be able to give you the help that you may need. I'll echo his sentiments by saying that finding a crisis line would probably be a good idea, as well as a more permanent or long lasting form of care and/or therapy.

One thing I might suggest is a social media blackout. Again, I'm obviously ignorant to what exactly you're going through, but from what I can tell social media has played a pretty significant role in some of the issues you're facing. Just a thought.

Tyrant Lizard wrote:

TyrannosaurTJ wrote:

10 radiation treatments in, 20 to go. I was setup to receive 30 altogether, each about 5 times a week. So far the only things I've noticed is that the scratchy throat thing comes up more than anything. Outside of that I am perpetually tired, which was expected and I've been noticing a little bit of nausea here and there. It's not the "dizzy" type of nausea, it's the upset stomach/butterflies in the stomach kind of nausea. I slept it mostly off this weekend and talked to the doctor yesterday about it. It's not as bad as I thought it would be, one of the pluses is that while I had some trouble eating due to the growth entering into my neck, I'm finally not choking on things like Pop tarts when I eat them and my delayed reaction swallowing food after chewing it has gotten significantly better.

It seems to me as though you're keeping in pretty good spirits through this whole thing, which, although I'm obviously ignorant to what you're going through, I imagine is at least part of the battle. You have my well wishes, man. Hope all goes well.

I am. I really am trying to stay positive and focused on the prize here and that's obviously 10 down, 20 to go. Third of the way. What's also helping is that my body isn't too negatively impacted from the treatments themselves. Thanks for you well wishes. I'll update here as a need to.

Lord Kristine wrote:

I'm suicidal again. It's getting harder and harder to hold on.

I’m really sorry LK, and I totally understand feeling that way. But I have also noticed you have brought this up many times before. When you say things like “it’s getting hard for me to hold on” and when you post things to twitter of the same accord that worry’s me. We don’t want to see you suffer, but we are also not trained psychologists. And neither are people on Twitter unfortunately.

And no I’m not telling you to go to a therapist and it will make everything better, cause that’s BS. Some things in life are flat out terrible and there’s no fixing it. I personally hate my doctor right now and I’m looking to move to another. I’ve been searching for a different doc for about 6 years now with still no luck. But eventually I know I’m gonna get a professional that can help me. I’m also working on cutting toxic people out of my life and trying to better myself in general in terms of physical health. Knowing myself better and focusing on self acceptance(my autism) and ways I can integrate with the people around me to live a really fulfilling life.

I’m not saying any of this to be harsh, I really just don’t want you to have a miserable life or become the next statistic. Imagine how terrible that would be to not draw anymore fanfic or talk to your friends.

DM me if you need it

I'm doing a little better. Part of the problem was not having anyone irl to talk to about being bisexual/nb, but my new coworker turned out to be queer as well. I feel less alone, but it still hurts every time someone makes a remark against LGBT people around me. I have to just sort of let it slide and rot inside all day, and it sometimes gets hard to take. I'm going to try to get antidepressants soon, which has been a long time coming, but my fear is that it won't help with the suicidal stuff, since it mostly happens when I'm in a distressing situation. I'm currently trying to specifically find an LGBT-friendly therapist in my new city, but my schedule is really packed now that I have a job and school. Still, I hope things get easier soon, and I hope I can find the help I'm looking for.

Also, I got dumped, and it sucks.

Edit: I don't hate you, Ty.

Also, I have been doing a little bit better after moving away from my family. I've been self-harming less and I haven't tried to OD or anything. But the thoughts still resurface sometimes, and I worry that something really, really bad will push me over the edge. It's not gonna take one thing, obviously, but so many things are going wrong right now that it would probably be more impactful if a crisis strikes.

Lord Kristine wrote:

I'm doing a little better. Part of the problem was not having anyone irl to talk to about being bisexual/nb, but my new coworker turned out to be queer as well. I feel less alone, but it still hurts every time someone makes a remark against LGBT people around me. I have to just sort of let it slide and rot inside all day, and it sometimes gets hard to take. I'm going to try to get antidepressants soon, which has been a long time coming, but my fear is that it won't help with the suicidal stuff, since it mostly happens when I'm in a distressing situation. I'm currently trying to specifically find an LGBT-friendly therapist in my new city, but my schedule is really packed now that I have a job and school. Still, I hope things get easier soon, and I hope I can find the help I'm looking for.

Also, I got dumped, and it sucks.

Edit: I don't hate you, Ty.

Also, I have been doing a little bit better after moving away from my family. I've been self-harming less and I haven't tried to OD or anything. But the thoughts still resurface sometimes, and I worry that something really, really bad will push me over the edge. It's not gonna take one thing, obviously, but so many things are going wrong right now that it would probably be more impactful if a crisis strikes.

I’m so sorry that sounds really tough.

When you say so many things are going rough can you be more specific?

Troyal1 wrote:

Lord Kristine wrote:

I'm doing a little better. Part of the problem was not having anyone irl to talk to about being bisexual/nb, but my new coworker turned out to be queer as well. I feel less alone, but it still hurts every time someone makes a remark against LGBT people around me. I have to just sort of let it slide and rot inside all day, and it sometimes gets hard to take. I'm going to try to get antidepressants soon, which has been a long time coming, but my fear is that it won't help with the suicidal stuff, since it mostly happens when I'm in a distressing situation. I'm currently trying to specifically find an LGBT-friendly therapist in my new city, but my schedule is really packed now that I have a job and school. Still, I hope things get easier soon, and I hope I can find the help I'm looking for.

Also, I got dumped, and it sucks.

Edit: I don't hate you, Ty.

Also, I have been doing a little bit better after moving away from my family. I've been self-harming less and I haven't tried to OD or anything. But the thoughts still resurface sometimes, and I worry that something really, really bad will push me over the edge. It's not gonna take one thing, obviously, but so many things are going wrong right now that it would probably be more impactful if a crisis strikes.

I’m so sorry that sounds really tough.

When you say so many things are going rough can you be more specific?

I have little to no free time, which is good because I have school and a job, but it's been wearing down on my sleep. Recently, a lot of close friends have revealed that they're not okay with me being bi/nb/trans, and it felt like a massive betrayal. These people were really, really close to me, and I could have never seen this coming. I regularly get harassed by martyr parents, which is par for the course, and I'm not getting a lot of work done. I don't know who to trust anymore, because it seems like at every turn, someone leaves me because they don't accept me for who I am. That's hard to face. But I can't choose my sexuality, obviously. All I can do is stay closeted and never have to find out who secretly resents me.

My mental health has improved significantly, but something pissed me off yesterday. A woman came into the costume store where I work and asked for an "Indian costume with the feathers" and eyed the brown werewolf makeup. I hate people. So much cringe.

I likewise work in a costume store, and there are a multitude of items that I would call blatantly racist for this day and age. The indigenous peoples costumes among them.